A Reason to Stay

Chapter four

Chapter four

 When Sunday morning came she wondered if she ought to give it more thought. She was sure there would be gossip. Payton wanted to back out but God had shown her that this was his will and she must keep that in mind. While praying on Friday she had turned to the bible and read the words in I Corinthians 7:39, The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. And later in another passage she read, in I Timothy 5:14 I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house... and in that particular passage he had been speaking of a young widow. She knew that the Lord was trying to speak to her and she hoped her ears and heart were open to him.

Opening her heart to God was one thing but opening it to Joshua was quite another. She wasn't ready to give him her heart or anything else for that matter. She clutched the top of her dress collar. Shame washed over her thinking of what she might be expected to do as his wife. Even if he had assured her that he didn't want... that. Didn't every man want that. Wasn't that why most people married. She wasn't sure if she knew a man who would marry a woman to take care of her & her children not wanting something in return. She sighed and realized that if they were married, no matter her own feelings, Joshua would have every rite to take her as his wife.

It didn't matter that the Lord had confirmed  to her that this was his will she was still nervous when Sunday morning came. She hadn't slept since the night he had come and proposed to her. She was sure she looked just awful. She had prayed and talked to the Lord every minuet of every day since Thursday. She not only had herself to think of but her two (almost three) young children too. Had it only been her she would have found a way back  to her family but it wasn't only her anymore. She had mouths to feed and no way of feeding them. Tears pushed at the backs of her eyes but she wouldn't allow them, not yet. She would be strong today, that she promised herself, knowing full well she would never be able to keep the promise.

Payton wasn't the only one whose stomach was a ball of nerves come Sunday morning. Joshua hadn't slept much either. In the days since he had last seen her he had went to work on repairing the cabin. The walls had been re-mudded where they needed it. The whitewashing would have to wait until the new mud was dry. The roof had been repaired properly and the living and sleeping quarters righted. He had attempted to clean some but he still had his farm to run and couldn't take too much time off. He had decided she could do the finishing touches but he would make sure the cabin was clean before the end of next week. They hadn't even decided on when to do the deed much less a moving day. And he wasn't even sure she would agree. Yet God had confirmed to him that she would. That alone had him nervous as a momma cow with a new calf.

He still was having a hard time putting his faith in all of this. And when those moments came, like now,  he felt the presence of the Lord and knew she would accept his offer and it was all ordained from God. When the doubts arouse God was there to reassure him. Doubts like, she might not listen to the Lord. She might rebel and turn her back on them both. He might find she had already left when he got to her place.... No had she left surely he would have heard it from someone in town by now... maybe. But more than that God would have shown him if that were the case.

Joshua dressed in his good trousers and a clean, starched shirt for church. He had forgot to mention to her that he had a very nasty habit. He liked to spit chewing tobacco. He ought to mention it and he would try and quit. In the years since Liza had passed, he had quit caring about so much and when he was forced to take a closer look at the cabin he realized just how out of hand his life had gotten. The floor would have to be scrubbed before he let her come home with him. Apparently somewhere along the way he had quit trying to even hit the spittoon. Big, dark, spit stains littered the floor in many places. He was afraid that when she heard that he had such a nasty habit she would run for the hills. He sighed knowing God would work it all out.