A Reason to Stay

Chapter Seven

Payton found that over the next few weeks they fell into a rhythm.

Payton cooked and kept the house. She tended the garden and the children. She washed their clothing and darned their socks. She tucked the children into bed at night and went to bed alone. During the day she made herself find things to do, not only to keep her hands busy but also her mind. It was as though they were living two separate lives. Payton was closed in her own world and he in his.

He left before sun up, sometimes not even coming in for breakfast. He came in at noon and took dinner with the family, supper too. They neither spoke much. Just if something needed to be done or tended to. The children were the only thing that brought them together. Late in the afternoons after the dishes were done and the chores finished Tommy and Hannah would play with Jed between their feet. Payton would sit in the rocker working on some sort of clothing or curtains or what not and Joshua would sit in a high back chair and read the bible. They both done this until there was no more light to see by and then they would watch the children.

They made comments on how much they had grown or the new tooth Hannah was finally getting; Tommy's love for the animals and land. They laughed about Hannah's run in with the clothes line. The baby was pulling up to chairs and walking around them. Other than those few words spoken at night about the children their lives were almost mute.

Payton was growing more and more depressed. She didn't expect her life to be like it had been with Thomas but she never guessed she would be even more lonely living here with her new husband. Joshua felt the same way. When Eliza had died he had fallen into a well of self pity. He found himself returning to that place. It had taken him years to pull himself from that well and he wasn't sure he could do it again.

A little over two months had passed since the day they had taken vows to be each others one and only. Payton had let out her dresses but the baby inside her was still growing and she would need to do it again before much longer. Joshua couldn't help but notice how her body was changing for the child. He shuttered at the thought of what could happen if the Lord deemed fit. He wasn't sure he could handle that again.

He loved the two children she had brought into his life. He had come to enjoy the time they spent with him. Joshua loved to watch them learn and explore the world around them as they noticed things for the first time. Yet, he and Payton barely spoke. It was beginning to take a toll on him. He wasn't sure how it was affecting her. He didn't know how much longer he could sit here and listen to the rocker creak against the floor as she rocked and stitched her pieces. He would sit and read the Bible but he never remembered what he had read.

This arrangement was starting to affect his relationship with Jesus and he knew that was not what God had purposed when he brought them together. He needed help and he wasn't sure who to turn to. When God had told him to marry Payton he didn't think it would be like life with Eliza but he thought they would be friends. It was just so hard having another woman here. In this place. Taking Eliza's place...