Stronger than before...

Coping

~1 MONTH AFTER LEES DEATH~

It had been 1 whole month. 1 month since Lee died, 1 month since my heart broke, 1 month since I was brought to the prison, 1 month since I reunited with Glenn and Hershel.

One of the hardest months of my life. I hadn't smiled once. Everyone had tried to cheer me up, Glenn came by a couple times a day and talked to me. Maggie always walked to breakfast with me, Rick made jokes to try and make me laugh, Daryl barley talked to me and Michonne just smiled at me, but Carl and I hung out most of the day.

I was starting to form bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep I was getting. When I fell asleep I usually just woke up from nightmares, most nights my thoughts just kept me up.

The nightmares were always the same, it was either me shooting Lee over and over again, or it was my parents as walkers.

I remember when the apocalypse started I would have nightmares all the time. Sometimes it was my babysitter and how I saw her attack Lee other times it would be when I saw Shawn get eaten at Hershel's farm. But every time I woke up someone would be there to comfort me, usually it was Lee but Katjaa stepped in a few times. Now I'm all alone. I just wake up at night gasping for breath and covered in sweat, and I'll look around and just see the same empty, cold cell.

Maggie always came and got me a few hours after the sun rose, the same routine everyday. She would come into my cell ask me if I was ready, we'd go to breakfast, Rick would try to make a joke, I'd go back to my cell, then Glenn would come by ask me if I was okay, and then Carl would come by and we would hang out for the rest of the day.

I hated it here. I hated the fact I couldn't have my gun- Lees gun, I hated barley going outside, I hated the fact I was becoming weak. I was beginning to hate myself even more though. I just couldn't forgive myself for killing Lee, I get he was bit and he didn't want me to see him as a walker, but I'm the reason he got bit, because I couldn't stay in the freaking house.

I'm the reason for Kennys death, Bens death- heck Christa and Omid probably died looking for me. I couldn't forgive myself for getting people I cared about killed.

"You ready?" Maggie asked with a bright smile on her face as she moved the curtains to my cell

"Yeah" I said as stood up

We did the same usual routine, just today Rick didn't make a joke because he, Daryl and Glenn had all left early this morning. I went back to my cell and started looking through my backpack, I had a lighter, a random piece of paper, a pocket knife, a picture I drew of Kenny, Duck and Katjaa, my hat and... And the picture of Lee. Along with a couple of magazines Glenn had picked up while he was out.

I didn't like wearing my hat anymore, it was stained in blood and everyone would look at me funny when I wore it.

"Hey Clem" Carl said as he came in my cell

"Hey" I said

Usually Carl and I would sit and talk or play a board game but today was different.

"Wanna go outside the fence?" Carl whispered

"We can do that?" I asked

"Shhh" he hissed "Carol said she'll take us out there so we can practice as long as no one finds out"

"Let's do it" I whispered excited