Where The Love Light Gleams

December 4th

Word quickly got out that she's back in town. Of course, it did. She doesn't mind. It wasn't quite a secret after all. What she does mind are these photos of her and Ian from their breakfast a little more than 24 hours ago spreading all over the internet. This is what she hates, the spies, the invasion of privacy, no matter how very little they have.

She plops down on her bed and is startled by the ringing of her phone.

"Hey! How was your date?"

She sighs, "Sarah, please."

Sarah chuckles at her friend. She could tell she's done with this, but she pushes anyway. "I'm just asking."

"It was not a date," she insists.

"He missed you," Sarah sighs. "We all did."

========

Shin makes a conscious decision to push the issue that's been circling around at back of her mind – to push Ian from her mind. She's pushed too far, she thinks, let him in too close considering when she leaves at the end of December she would most definitely like to leave with her heart intact. Or at least in the same condition it had been when she arrived.

So she does other things, focus on her family more. And today she decides to spend it shopping with her sister. She's missed her a whole lot. She was only so young when she left, and now, here she is, all grown up and looking even more sophisticated than her. When did this growing up thing happen? Maybe she's missing a lot more than she thinks.

If Jazz were to be honest, she'd say she was a little hesitant to spend the day with Shin. A little distant. She is still the same Shin, she reminds herself. Her big sister whom she looked up to. But she was not the same Jazz. She grew up.

Shin had noticed it, of course. It took a little extra effort from her to make Jazz feel that she was not a stranger, for her to warm up to her again, and she succeeded. Then, it all goes easily for them. They chatter the rest of the day away.

"Do you ever think about it?" her sister asks, her fingers fidgeting around the mug of hot chocolate she ordered makes Shin think that asking that question made her nervous.

"About what?"

"Coming home," Jazz says softly.

Oh. Well she did not anticipate that. Not at all. Especially from her sister who also once dreamed of living in London. Because who does not dream of living in London?

She weighs the thought in her mind. She does think about it, but not that often. But she doesn't want to hurt her feelings. "I think about you guys all the time."

Jazz gives a humorless laugh, "that's not an answer."

"Jazz-"

She shakes her head, "don't. It's okay."

"Do you want me to come home?" She asks her.

She does, she really does. But Jazz knows better than to impose something to someone. She sighs then, "It's just... In the short time that you've been here, everything seems different. Everybody is happier when you're here." She whispers that last sentence.

Oh. Oh her heart hurts. This sucks, she thinks. Maybe uprooting her life wasn't the best decision after all.

===

The dinner at their home that night, extended relatives included, proved Jazz's point. Aside from the over-the-top Christmas decorations, it was the people around her that made it all festive.

She's noticed that every time she looks at her mother, the woman is always smiling. Her father's laugh are a little louder, happier. She sees how her brother, who also lives overseas but comes home more often than her, still connects to everybody else so easily. She's also noticed that her younger brother would always make an effort to tell her about his day – good or bad, update her or call her, like he's making sure she's still there. And Jazz. Oh her baby girl. The one thing that she noticed about Jazz is that, although she seems happy, she's also too contained.

She then decides to talk to her before bed. Shin enters her bedroom, not worrying about the invasion she's doing. But really, that's the least of her worries right now.

"You didn't really answer my question earlier," Shin starts, sitting on Jazz's bed while Jazz was rummaging through her dresser.

"Well, you didn't answer mine either," she shoots back.

They fall silent. Shin waits for her. She does because it's effective, she knows.

Jazz then plops back down on her bed. "I do want you to stay, to come home," she says softly. "But I'm not gonna ask you to."

This stuns Shin.

"If you're going to stay, you have to choose that you're going to stay and for the right reasons. That way, you'll be happy."

Damn. That hit her hard. Shin's heart swells at her sister's selflessness.

The right reasons. If the right reasons ever come up to her, she'd sure as hell going to grab it, whatever they may be.