Where The Love Light Gleams

December 8th

The thing about leaving the decision in Shin's hand is that he feels like he's been itching under his skin all day. To the point where it's distracting and he doesn't feel like he's getting any work done. He has to do recordings, but the day has just been really slow. At least it does feel slow for him. Because he wants an answer from her.

If he's honest, he actually has no idea what it is exactly that had him moving in to kiss her under that mistletoe, nor yesterday, when he had been very up front with her. He definitely never anticipated even making a decision to try with her, not with her so far away. This could leave them both heartbroken, he knows.

But it's Shin.

And she's right here.

If there's one thing he had to learn the hard way, it's to never leave anything unsaid, no matter how painful it is. He cannot just let her walk away again. Not this time. Not like he'd done before. If he let her walk away again, without even saying a word, he thinks he might never see her again.

So he took the chance.

And now he wants to know if it will pay off.

The thing is, he promised not to push. He promised to give her time, to give her space, and he cannot go back on that now. Not if he really wants her. Because he really wants her.

The tentative knock on his office door makes his head shoot up.

"Shin"

"Ian"

Her fingers are playing with something, a star he realizes.

She walks in front of his desk. "I, uhm, I got you this," she says, handing him the tiny star.

He remembers that they give each other – Sarah, Yeng, Mark, and everybody else- one ornament for each other's Christmas tree. It was Erik who started that tradition some years ago. He remembers that Shin would always give him a star ornament, though he doesn't know why. She never really told him, but he kept them all. He also remembers that he would always give her an angel. He then makes a mental note to shop for ornaments for everyone later that day.

It's safe, Ian thinks, and it gives him a moment for this. A moment for her. He comes around his desk and towards her. He stops dead about a foot in front of her, fingers twitching. He cannot cross that line.

Her heart is leaping. "Ian, it's insane," she whispers.

"Is it?" he asks.

"Of course, it is. I don't even live here, Ian. We couldn't even make it work before and I was living here then. I'm here for a month and then I go back halfway across the world. That's- That makes it insane."

"What's insane was letting you go the first time."

That startles her, he knows. He can read her like a book. He sees the tentative hope in her eyes.

She sucks in a breath.

"I had to let you go, because I knew I was hurting you. We took the time we thought we needed-"

She swallows, "but then you had somebody else."

"Because I couldn't have you."

That hit her hard on the face. It is true though, they both had their fair share of heartbreaks.

"And now I'm here, we're here." She murmurs it and this time he cannot stop himself from reaching out to her, from ghosting his fingers on hers.

"I'm not repeating the same thing again," he says.

He sees her throat flex again and he gets the sinking feeling she's still going to say 'no.'

"Christmas," he blurts out before she could say anything. "Give me until Christmas."

"For what?"

"To show you I'm willing to make it work."

He can see the want, the hope,  in her eyes and this time he refuses to let her go.

"Okay," she whispers. "Christmas."

"And then we re-evaluate" he offers, feeling his heart rate jump. He can't stop himself from actually taking her hand this time.

"Just- just one step at a time," she urges him, as she squeezes his hand. Then she shakes her head and smiles, "you're insane."

Yeah. About her. And maybe by Christmas, he'll be able to tell her.