What does it mean to love somebody? Is it really more than spreading your legs? Is it more than opening your mouth for him and trying to not gag on the disgusting object in your mouth? Is there more to it than standing beside him and following his orders like a dog, sit speak stay down? His obedient little bitch, following his every command.
Is that really all love is? I really hope not because that means what I had was love and there's nothing more waiting out there for me.
Oh yes, I had 'love' once. With a vile, selfish, hurtful boy. He 'loved' me and I 'loved' him and we 'loved' each other. Ha. After a while I thought he was the most disgusting thing on earth, though I didn't tell him. I 'needed' him, because I was pathetic. Afraid of being alone even though he hated me and I hated him. I was miserable, but I thought being alone was worse than being miserable. I tohught maybe, just maybe, if I did everything he wanted he would treat me better, like he actually cared about me.
I was a fool. He told me he loved me if I gave him my body, if I did everything he told me to. But no was not an option, not if I wanted to stay in the picture. His picture.
Then I was cast away anyway. He decided he didn't 'love' me anymore.
He made me think love is fickle and can disappear in the blink of an eye.
So is that really all love is?
