One day I'll spread my wings and fly. I have so many dreams, all so far from my reach but so close in my dreams. I can see myself as a singer, a writer, a teacher. I can see it all, if I tilt my head to the side and squint, it's there. Anything is possible if I try my hardest and don't let the world bring me down I can be whatever I want to be.
The downer is that, no matter what I try to be, I will always be me. I could change my name, appearance, everything on the outside, but I would still be me on the inside.
Hadley, the cutter.
Hadley, victim of school bullies.
Hadley, the girl whose mother never even wanted her.
The girl nobody ever wanted.
No matter how much work I put into changing who I am, my past will always be the same. I can't take away those parts of who I am. I can't take away my scars, physical and mental. I can't rewrite the past.
But I can learn from it. I know what not to do when I become a parent. I know how not to treat others, and I know how not to treat myself. When you have a screwed up past and you decide you want to overcome it, you learn a lot of 'not's. These nots can help me become a better me.
You are who you are. You can change the way you look, act, and see things. You can't change your past, the way you acted, the things you said. Some things you can't take back or make excuses for. No matter what type of person you become, who you were in the past will always be a part of you.
