Have you ever had a day where you're miserable but don't know why? You know you aren't overweight but you feel like a pompous whale. You have friends you text all day but no matter how much you talk to them you still feel alone. You fit perfectly fine in your close but all you can see is the lump your stomach makes in the fabric. Your hair won't fall the right way and your walk just doesn't have that same strut anymore.
Today is one of those days for me. I woke up with my body aching, begging for more sleep even though my mind refused.
I texted six friends of mine today, but I still felt alone. I spent some time with my fmaily members; still felt nothing. I was stuck in a dark abyss of loneliness and I'm still stuck there. The darkness sucked me in like quicksand and won't loosen its grip.
I sorted through all my clothes today, tried on all my shirts and some of my dress. A few jackets too. All I noticed was the bulge under the fabric, be it real or a hallucination caused by my insecurities. The fabric would cling to my stomach, cling to my thighs, hold onto the chunks of fat that stick to the bone and pile up endlessly. That's all I see.
And it never ends.
Day after day I suffer from this insanity, this mindless self-destruction.
Today wasn't the only day. it was not the first and, sadly, it will probably not be the last,
