All I Need: A Racetrack Higgins Fanfiction

Chapter 13: Why?

As I walked through New York, I found myself going in and out of day dreams. They were about so many things. So many things I didn't want to remember.

"Sam!" Ross yelled. "Sam help me!"

I ran over to him as fast as I could and grabbed his hand as they started to drag him away. "No! Ross! No, you can't take him from me! No!!" I yelled through the tears.

"Sam! Help! Please! Don't let them take me!" Ross yelled.

I went to punch the man dragging him away from me, but then my own arms got pinned behind my back. "Ross!!!"

"Sam! Help me!"

Suddenly, I was back in reality, sort of. All the noise was muffled and everything around me was blurry. I was breathing heavily and dripping with sweat. "Ross. Where's Ross?"

I quickly started running through the crowed. "Ross!! Ross where are you?!" At that moment I saw David.

I ran up to David and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Davey! Davey where is he?! Where's Ross?!" I yell.

"Sam? Sam calm down!" Davey says trying to remove my hands from his shoulders.

"I can't loose him again! Where's Ross?!" I yell, not even hearing him.

"Sam! Sam it's ok!" Davey yells, trying to calm me down.

"Where is he?!" I yell starting to cry.

"Sam?" I hear Ross's shy voice behind me. I turn around. I wrap him in a tight hug, as reality starts to return back to me.

"Sam? What's wrong?" Ross asks, hugging me back.

"It's nothing," I say between deep breaths. "I'm fine." I pull away to look at him. "I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine Sam," Davey says, popping into the conversation. "It was like you were in a nightmare."

I was. But, I couldn't let them know. I couldn't let Ross know. He has nightmares on his own from that instant, along with many more. I don't need him to worry about me.

"No. I'm ok," I say standing up and wiping tears from my face. "I guess my mind just, went crazy for a second."

Davey nods. "Um...ok. You sure you're ok?"

I nod. "I'm fine. Really. But, I need to talk to Ross. Alone."

David nods before dragging Les away, who very much wanted to know more about the situation.

I took Ross over to a bench near by. As soon as I sat down, he sat right beside me and wrapped me in a tight hug.

"You were thinking about the thing again, weren't you?" he squeaks.

I nod my head in silence as I rub his back. I never understood why, but it always calmed both of us down. "Let's not talk about it."

Ross agreed. There have been several times where we have just freaked out, remembering things that happened in our past. But, we agreed to never talk about what we were thinking, because we always knew.

"Besides," I continue. "I have to talk to you about something more important."

Ross looked up at me. "What is it?"

I sigh. "We have been living here in Manhattan with the guys for a while now, right?"

Ross nods. "And," I continue. "You like it right?"

A smile spreads across my brothers face. "More than anything! Race is teaching me to fight so if I ever get in trouble or they-" he stops and looks down. "Ever try anything like, what happened, again, I'll be able to stop it," he said almost in a whisper.

I hug him tight, holding back tears. "It's ok. We're together." He slowly nods, hugging me tighter. "That's actually what I want to talk about with you," I continue.

Ross looks up. "What about it?"

"Ross, I don't think that it's safe here for us, mainly you," I explain.

"But-but I'm fine!"

"Ross, listen to me please. So much of our past is here and maybe if we go somewhere else to sell, our lives will be better," I try to explain my thinking.

"It will still be our past Sam! You can't change that!" Ross yells.

"I know but, maybe there is a place that is safer. That can keep you safer. Maybe Brooklyn, Spot would keep you safe," I say. "I hope," I mumble under my breath.

"You hate Spot! And Race and Jack and all the others protect us!" Ross yells.

"Ross, you-you don't understand. We won't leave them forever, it's just for now," I say, trying to make it sound better.

"Why do we have to leave?!"

"B-because it's not safe for you!" I start to yell.

"I'm getting older! And Race-"

"Race isn't important right now! You are!" I yell a bit louder.

"Race is like a dad!" Ross yells, starting to cry.

I freeze. "What?"

"You're mom, and Race is like a dad. You are both there for me, and love me," Ross explains.

"Ross, I...," I trail off, not knowing what to say. "Ross, I can't stay here. To much is going on."

"Why can't you stay?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Why?"

"Because I don't even understand!" I yell. I put my head in my hands and start to cry. I never cry, not in front of Ross.

"Sam?"

I look at Ross, tears running down my cheek. "You love Race like you loved dad, don't you?"

Ross nods. "Don't you?"

I bite my lip for a second. "Sometimes, people love each other, in ways you can't explain."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll explain it some other time," I say standing up and holding out my hand. "Come on. Let's get ready for Medda's."