I Love Him But I Can't (Scallison)

I Can't Seem to Stop

Lydia was by my locker the next day and she seemed ticked. Oh god, she knew. What am I gonna do? I'll just act like I have no idea what she's talking about.

"Hey Lydia."

"Don't 'hey Lydia' me. You hurt me last night. How could you do that to me? I thought we were friends?!"

I'm busted. "Lydia, I'm sorry. We are friends. It won't happen again."

"It better not! I was waiting at the mall for an hour last night. I texted you to meet me there. I said I needed retail therapy. You never came."

Wait, what? She's not talking about Scott and I kissing? She doesn't know? Oh thank god.

"I didn't get the message," I said, showing her my phone. "If I did I'd have came."

She buries her face in her hands and says "I'm such a bitch. I'm sorry. I'm just, I've never had a best friend really and I just, I don't really know how to act with it. I just know I really could've used your support yesterday."

"I'm sorry Lyds. Wanna go to the mall after school?"

She smiles and says "Yeah, I'd like that. Sleepover at my house?"

"Sounds like a plan."

She smiles and says "You free tomorrow night?"

"Yeah, wait no. Tomorrows Wednesday and my Aunt Kate's coming to town so family dinner. I'm free Saturday."

"Wanna go bowling? Girls day?"

"I'd love that."

Lydia looks down at her hands and says "I'd invite Scott but we haven't spoken since our fight. I thought of calling him last night after you didn't come, but I didn't know if he'd answer."

"I'm sorry."

"You didn't get my message. You don't have to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong."

Yes I did. Scott and I kissed. Three different times. We felt sparks. I wanted to do it again. I'm a terrible best friend. Whatever Scott and I have is over. I'm not going to betray Lydia.

/

In Economics, Scott sat in the desk to my right. We had a free period next and Lydia had plans with Stiles to work on Chemistry.

"Allison," he whispered.

"No Scott," I said. "It never happened."

"Allison, we have to talk about it. What it means for us."

"No we don't. There is no us. There's you and Lydia and then there's me."

/

Study period came and Scott found me in the back of an empty classroom.

"Allison, did I do something wrong?"

"No, I mean yes. We did something wrong."

"The kiss?" He grabs my hand gently and strokes it with his thumb. "I thought we both felt sparks?"

"I did." I cup his cheek and lean my forehead against his. "I still do. We just can't."

"Why not?"

"You're with Lydia and she's my best friend."

Scott then says "I'll break up with her."

"Even if you do, she's still my best friend. I can't date her ex."

Scott wraps his arms around my waist and sighs. "So, I don't get to be with you either way. If I break up with Lydia, you can't date me because of the girl code. I can't be with you if I'm with Lydia because I'd be with Lydia."

"We met at the wrong time."

"I don't think so. Everything happens for a reason, right? I don't think this is the wrong time. I just think it's a bad situation."

I sigh and say "A really bad situation."

He kisses me softly and I kissed back. All the guilt went away and it was just Scott and I. It was just like every other kiss but it somehow felt better. Every kiss seemed to get more pleasant. We pulled away when the final bell sounded.

"I have to go. I have plans with Lydia."

Scott nods and kisses my forehead. "We'll figure something out."

I nod and start to leave but turn. "We have to finish our Chemistry project. Do you wanna work on it and get it out of the way?"

"Yeah, sure. My house at eight?"

"That's fine. I'll see you later."

/

"What about this one," Lydia asked as she held up a black dress with a lace neckline.

"It's nice. You'd look great in it."

"Can't argue with that," she said with a sweet smile. "I meant for you though. You'd look stunning in it."

"I don't know. I think I have enough dresses right now. Maybe a different day."

"Fine," she said putting it back. "What do you want to do next?"

I look at my phone and see its 7:30. "I'm actually going to Scott's to finish our Chemistry project. I can reschedule. It's not due for another month."

"No, go. It's fine. Even if Scott and I aren't talking, you two are. I'm not gonna make you choose between us. I'd be a terrible best friend if I did." She hugs me. "Good luck on the project and I'll see you tomorrow."

/

"We're done," I said after an hour of working.

Scott nods and says "Yup."

He had this pensive look on and he looked so cute, that I couldn't help but kiss him. When I pulled away, he seemed dazed and it just made him even cuter. He smiled before pulling me back into a kiss. I fisted his shirt and he leaned forward so that I was laying down, him hovering over me. He brushes a strand behind my ear when he pulls away.

"You're beautiful." Scott kisses the tip of my nose. "And funny." He kisses my cheek. "Smart." He places a kiss on my neck and I let out a gasp. "And so sweet."

I shake my head and say "You're torturing me with these compliments and kisses."

"How so?"

"It reminds me of how I can't seem to stop wanting to kiss you, but I can't."

"Why don't you?"

"I'm scared I won't be able to stop."

Scott lays down beside me and says "That's too bad because I really wanna kiss you. I understand though."

I glance over at him and bite my lip before shifting so I'm hovering over him. I kiss him and Scott's hands go to my hips. I shift so I'm straddling his waist and pull away so I can speak.

"I'll learn to stop, but it's gonna take a whole lot of practice."

Scott brushes his lips against mine and says "I can help you with that."

I kiss him and we stayed, just like that, for about half hour before we switched to watching a movie and then just cuddled as we were talking. I hope we figure something out soon, because I don't think I can handle not experiencing the sparks.