I Love Him But I Can't (Scallison)

It Never Happened

The next day, I found Lydia in the library, all the way in the back.

"Lydia," I say. She looks up and starts to pack her things. "Lydia, stop. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"You mean for kissing my boyfriend or taking his virginity?"

"We never slept together. I'm sorry I kissed him. I'm mostly sorry for hurting you. Lydia, you're my best friend, I never wanted to hurt you."

"Funny thing about that, you did Allison. You call me your best friend but best friends don't steal their best friend's boyfriend." She starts to get tears in her eyes again. "Why Scott? You could've had any guy here. I've seen them all look at you like you're a goddess. They gave me the same look before I started dating Scott because once I did, they knew there was no chance of getting me. Why did you have to take Scott? Why my boyfriend? Of all the guys? Did you do it to spite me?"

"No. Lydia, that's not what happened. I liked him when I met him in Chemistry. Before I knew he was yours. When I found out, I fought against it. You swapped lab partners though and then the pairing in English. Let's not forget the fact that you pushed me to spend more time with him, like when you sent me to go get pizza with him. I didn't do this to hurt you. I tried to fight it so I wouldn't hurt you."

She shakes her head and says "How long?"

"Lydia, don't make this harder than it," I start to say but she cuts me off.

"How long?!"

"Since the kiss in English. That night."

She shakes her head and says "The day of the fight. You moved in on my boyfriend after he and I got into a fight. Real classy Allison."

"Lydia, I never wanted any of this to happen! Don't you get that?! I never wanted to hurt you!" I whisper shouted since we were still in the library.

"You did though! You're not understanding! You hurt me Allison! You were supposed to be my best friend. My sister. Instead you're making out with my boyfriend. You've betrayed me in the worst way. I could've forgiven you for anything else, but not this."

I felt tears forming in my own eyes. "Lydia, just tell me how I can make this better. I don't wanna lose you. You're the closest thing I've had to a best friend. You're like a sister to me. Please let me fix this. I'll do anything."

"Stop it."

I get a confused look. "Stop what? Stop apologizing? I'm not gonna do that because I'm not gonna stop being sorry. I don't want you being hurt, especially by me."

"No, stop seeing Scott. No talking to him. No texting him. You stop seeing him behind my back and you stop being friends with him. You cut off all connections to him. Pretend he doesn't even exist to you."

I can't do that. I can't pretend not to notice him. I can't stop talking to him. When he simply smiles in my direction my entire day gets brighter. I don't want to lose him. I don't want to lose Lydia though.

I nod. "I'll do it. I'll cut off all connections to Scott. Starting now." I go his contact information on my phone and show it to her as I hit the delete button.

She wipes her eyes and says "Good. Now, I have plans to talk with my boyfriend. I'll see you in class."

/

I was in the library during study period and Stiles slumped into the seat beside me.

"Hey Allison. Why so glum?"

I sigh and say "Just, missing a guy. What about you? What's got you so down?"

"Lydia freaking Martin. I finally get her to notice me. I work up the nerve to kiss her and she practically runs away from me afterwards. She hasn't even looked at me since. It's like I'm a deadly virus or something. What sucks is that I'm actually starting to become friends with her boyfriend. What would he do to me if he found out I kissed his girlfriend? He'd kill me. Socially and literally."

"I don't think he'd do either of those things."

"You didn't have to see them make up from their fight. The Queen and King reunited once again. I should've known that I didn't stand a chance with her. Scott and Lydia have always belonged together. Everyone in school knows it. I can't believe I was so stupid." He buries his face in his hands. "I just wish I didn't have to see them practically sucking each other's face off."

Just the thought of it made me want to throw up. I couldn't stand the thought of it. It was supposed to be Scott and I doing those sort of stuff, not him and Lydia. They were supposed to break up and then we'd slowly let Lydia know that we're together. That's not how it worked out though. Instead I'm not supposed to talk to him. I'm not supposed to acknowledge him. I have a feeling that in doing that, I'm gonna be in so much pain.

/

The next day, I found out that I was right about the pain. Lydia was by my locker holding a coffee cup for me but Scott wasn't anywhere in sight. In all the classes we shared, even the ones where Lydia wasn't in, he'd sit on the complete other side of the room. Chemistry came and Mr. Harris was absent so we all went to the library. I kept looking at Scott from across the room who was with the lacrosse team and Stiles as I sat with Lydia, Erica, and some other girls in our class. He'd meet my eyes every now and then, but then he'd look away after a couple of seconds.

"Allison," Lydia said as she looked at me. "Wanna grab a slice after school?"

I nod with a slight small that didn't reach my eyes. "Yeah, sure. Sounds great."

"Good. So, what are your plans for the weekend?"

"Nothing. Just gonna stay home and study."

Erica seems to have waken from her zoning out while looking at Boyd. "What? That's your weekend? That's so boring."

I shrug and say "I'm not really in the mood to do anything else." I spot Scott making his way over as Lydia gestured him over. I start walking away. "I better go. Don't wanna be late going home. Bye girls."

I rushed out after gathering my stuff. Avoiding Scott was torture. I missed him all the time. He seemed to be everywhere I looked. I can't get him out of my mind. Oh how I wish he could be mine. Only mine. We'd be happy together. We'd be constantly laughing and kissing. No, those thoughts would only make this harder. I can't think about him. I have to think about how this is saving my friendship with Lydia. That right now is the most important thing to me.

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Hope this second update helps to make up for my terrible updating skills. 

Please comment and share this story. Hope you enjoy reading. I tried.

–Lexi