Miss Feign Look

Chapter XIX - Alone in darkness

"Veronica, tell me at once. What is this that have you done? Don't you have any shame for yourself? Who is this guy?"

I kept silent.

"Veronica! I am talking to you right now. Answer me!" pasigaw na sinabi ni Mom

"Why do I even have to answer you? Kahit ano namang sabihin ko walang mangyayari, walang magbabago. You're just going to get angry with me and tell nothing other than that stupid fixed marriage that you arranged. Nothing's gonna change. Whatever I do, everything will always stay the same. Because once you and Dad made a decision there is nothing that I can do except to follow, tama naman ako diba? Diba, Mom?" umiiyak na ako habang sinasabi ang nararamdaman ko. Gusto ko ng magwala, ilabas lahat ng galit na tinatago for all these years.

Gusto ko na iiyak na lang lahat ng ito, umaasa na pagkatapos ng pag-iyak kong 'to magbabago ang lahat. Pero hindi. Alam kong hinding-hindi mangyayari yon.

"Stop crying. I don't feel sorry for you after what you have done. Alam mo ba kung anong kahihiyan yung ginawa mo? Paano kung malaman ito ng parents ni Janus? Ano na lang ang sasabihin nila sa amin ng Dad mo, na hindi ka namin pinalaki ng maayos? "

Mom sat on my bed. Tears fell down on her cheeks.

"Hindi pa ba sapat yung kahihiyan na binigay mo sa amin ng Dad mo sa pagiging lesbian, huh? Do you think hindi kami naapektuhan doon? Tapos ngayon malalaman na lang namin na may boyfriend ka na, without informing us? Do you think it is easy to accept all of this?"

"Mom, do you think madali lang para sa akin ang mabuhay under all of your conditions inside this house? Mom, ngayon lang . Ngayon ko lang hinihiling na bigyan niyo ako ng kalayaan para sa sarili ko."

I closed my eyes. I don't know if I could speak out loud right now but I should have the courage. This words will come out now or never.

"Lahat ng gusto niyo sinunod ko. You want me to be smart, I studied hard. No I studied harder to be good for both of you. You want me to replace you in your work in the future, so I'm training under you. You want me to marry Janus, and I kept silent. With all the things you want me to do, do you even dare to ask if I want to?" I took a deep breath.

"Huh. I can't remember even once. Mom, how do you see me honestly?"

"Am I your daughter or just your puppet?"

The next thing I know is I heard a sound.

A sound of bitterness and hurt. A sound of disappointment and awe.

Mom slaped me hard in the face. The slap is stinging in my face, but the hurt I'm feeling emotionally is ten times stronger than this physical pain I'm feeling.

"How dare you talk to me like that! After all that we've done that's all you can say?"