Don't Leave Me Alone | TØP

Chapter 8 // Josh

Going into the tour bus was a bad idea.

Everything in this goddamn bus reminds me of Tyler, and not in a good way. Memories start to fill my mind and I feel the sudden urge to scream.

But I don't scream.

I only walk towards my bed and without thinking it twice I lay on it. I know I won't be able to fall sleep so I take out my phone. For my surprise, it hasn't died, yet. I'm too lazy to reach my charger so I'll just stay on Twitter until it dies.

I open the Twitter app and then I take out a taco from the plastic bag next to me. I take a look at the notification icon and after a few seconds I tap it. Half of my notifications are fans asking me about Tyler, and the other half are fans sending support messages to Tyler (and tagging me on them for some reason).

They don't know this was my fault, they don't know Tyler is dying because of me.

I bite the taco. Not even Taco Bell is making me feel better. It reminds me of Tyler.

Every goddamn thing reminds me of Tyler.

I read the fans' messages for a long time. I discovered they even created a hashtag about him. All this things are making me tear up.

I sigh. His accident became viral, even people who's not in the Clique is concerned about him. And nobody know exactly what happened.

I should tell everyone this was my fault. I deserve to be hated for this.

But I can't do anything now. Even if I tell everyone the truth nobody will believe me.

My phone's at 2%. I need to tweet something or otherwise I'll go crazy. But I don't know what to write, and I'm not in the mood of writing something stupid.

I start typing. I don't know what, but I don't stop. I keep writing and I feel tears on my eyes.

I finally stop. I take my time to reread what I wrote and I feel surprised.

"Whatever happens to Tyler, I promise he's gonna be okay. Thank you all for the support. This means too much to me"

I send the tweet, hoping it doesn't sound too cheesy. I quickly finish eating my taco when my phone finally dies and I lay down in complete silence.

I let out a long sigh and close my eyes, trying to fall sleep. But my anxiety is killing me, and it gets even harder to fall sleep.

I know I will stay awake tonight. Alone. With my thoughts. I know Tyler wouldn't want this for me, but he's not here, also he's almost dead because of me.

No sleep for me tonight.

Sounds like fun.

(Edited 06/17/16)