Don't Leave Me Alone | TØP

Chapter 16 // Josh

"Alright, Josh." The nurse calls my name and examines my face one last time. "I think you're okay now."

I mutter a short thank you and give her a shy smile. I may not feel the best right now, but my face feels much better than an hour ago. Plus, there's a cool bandage on my nose that reminds me of how coward I was.

Man, I'm really trying not to think about Zack, or Tyler, or any Joseph in general, not even Jenna, who's sitting by my side right now. I'm trying to focus on other things, for example, the nurse that cured my face and took care of me. She's really nice, I don't understand why everyone is suddenly being nice to me.

On the other hand, I'm feeling the sudden urge to throw myself into Tyler's room and cry over his almost-lifeless body again. I have to admit I miss him much more than ever, and I wish I could turn back time and swallow all the bad things I said to him.

"Call me again if anything's wrong." The nurse's voice snaps me back to reality. I realize she's talking to Jenna, who nods inmediately.

I haven't said a single thing after Zack's epic hit, and I'm pretty sure that's worrying Jenna because she keeps staring at me with her big blue eyes. The nurse then walks away from us and we stay in silence for a while until I clear my throat and leave my pride behind.

"I'm sorry, Jenna." I say, my voice coming out raspy and different.

Jenna gives me a surprised look and grins. "Don't be sorry. Is not your fault."

"No, I mean-" I bite my lip. "Tyler."

The grin on Jenna's face dissapears. I know she's trying to hide it but she prolly hates me. I almost killed her husband after all.

"Listen, Josh." Her voice changes and it makes me shiver. "It's normal for friends to have fights. What happened to Tyler wasn't your fault; it was his choice to leave, as much as it hurts. You can't control someone's destiny."

"Yeah, but I started the fight." My voice is a barely-audible whisper. "Stop pretending, Jenna. It was my fault. I was supposed to be by his side, but I let him go and now I have to bear with this."

I raise my hand and point at Tyler's room that is just a few meters away from us. Jenna follows my gaze and sighs annoyed.

"I'm not pretending. I just don't want you to deal with this fault forever because it is not yours. Everyone at some point blames themselves for this - trust me, I have too - but we can't conclude anything until the case is closed."

I nod, determined to finish this conversation, for god's sake. It is not making me feel any better. Yes, I have to admit Jenna's right, but every single cell of my body blames itself for what had happened. One mistake more and I'll be a few meters from jumping into a hole underground and live there until I died.

We then stay minutes in silence, and I need a distraction. My mind automatically gives me an image of Tyler and I at the end of a concert. "Trees" blasts without sound in my ears, and I could see the crowd cheering us.

And that's when I ask myself: what is our band without him? What is twenty one pilots without Tyler Joseph? Tears formed in my eyes.

"Jenna." I raise my voice. "Do you think he's gonna wake up?"

Jenna doesn't look at me, she stares at the ceiling instead.