Don't Leave Me Alone | TØP

Chapter 19 // Josh

I had no idea it was a nightmare at first; I mean, it felt so real I could almost swear I was there.

Tyler was there (of course he was there, or else this nightmare wouldn't have been so scary). But he wasn't breathing anymore. His eyelids were closed. His whole body was completely still, and floated inside a brown polished coffin.

He was dead. He was gone. I wasn't there for him after all.

I saw myself running away from the horrible scene, but every time I moved I could hear Zack's voice in my head hitting me like a hammer.

"You should be ashamed of yourself, Josh." He screamed. "You killed him."

"Shut up! I did not!" I screamed back, but my voice was nowhere to be heard.

"You killed him! Your best friend. Your bandmate."

"Stop!"

"He was my brother!"

"STOP, PLEASE, STOP!"

In that moment I tripped, and everything suddenly became even more confusing that it already was. I saw Zack, but I was not sure if he was smirking or just growling at me. I saw Jenna, and I could see she was crying along with Tyler's family. I bit my tongue, trying to hold back the tears.

"Tyler!" I cried. "Please come back! Come back to me! Please!"

"Josh!"

"Tyler... please."

"JOSH STOP IT!"

Suddenly I feel an alarming pain on my cheek and that's when I realize someone just had hit me. I violently open my eyes just to find the whole room staring at me. Mark is in front of me, holding my wrists. I give them a puzzled look, realizing I have my hands closed into fists. My knuckles were incredibly white, and as I'm being aware of the throbbing pain in my fingers, I slowly open my hands.

"Hey, it's okay." Mark says, taking deep breaths. "Tyler is alive, don't worry. He hasn't left us."

I give him another puzzled look, realizing I said the words from my nightmare aloud, and I suddenly feel stupid. My heart pounders in my chest and I feel my lungs burning like a big ass bonfire; and last but not least, I feel my eyelids heavy and my eyes full of tears.

I try to say something but I choke on my words and immediately I break down into a horrible cry. Mark stays still, wondering if he should console me or just leave me alone for a while, but he gives me an awkward hug and pats my back after thinking it twice.

"Josh, it okay."

"I killed him, Mark." I confess between tears. "I'm the worst fucking friend in the world."

"You didn't kill anyone." I can sense Mark's desperation. "It was just a nightmare. Tyler is still with us." He makes a long pause. "Plus, you're actually the best fucking friend in the world. Stop putting yourself down like this."

I can barely hear him but the sound of a voice different from Zack's menacing one feels like a lullaby. I lose track of time and I forget how long I stay crying on the sofa where I fell sleep just a moment ago. I have to admit it, from all those times I have cried in front of somebody this has been the worst of them all. It takes me a lot of time to wipe away the tears and put myself together. But Mark patiently stays by my side, and all the people in the room that were alarmingly staring at me slowly fade away. In fact, someone hands me a glass of water and without hesitating I drink the whole think up.

After some long minutes of sobs and babbling I finally sit normally on the sofa, shivering and slowly trying to control my breathing.

"Jeez." Mark cover his eyes with his forearm. "Josh, you really scared us. I was at the pool table when I saw you sleeping and then you started punching the air with you hands and screaming nonsense." He faintly chuckles. "Don't worry. Nightmares are completely normal in a situation like this, if you were wondering."