Don't Leave Me Alone | TØP

Chapter 14 // Josh

The sound of a door being opened snapped me back to reality. I lifted my head in a tired way and saw Mark walking towards me.

I told Mark I was gonna be at the cafe near the hospital, but I never expected him to come. Anyway, this past days I've stayed more on this cafe than on the hospital. Now that Mark is here, I can't help but feel a little better.

He saw me staring at him and smiled.

"Hello Josh." He pointed at the seat next to me. "Can I sit here?"

I nod and he sits down almost immediately. We stay in silence for a while and then he bites his lip.

"So..." He clears his throat. "How do you feel?"

I snort. "Emotionally or physically?"

"In general."

I shrug. He already knows that I'm doing terrible and that all my hopes and dreams have been crushed, but I still find it pretty funny that at least one person is worried about me, even if I don't deserve it.

"I guess I'm doing fine."

Mark sighs. I notice he looks pretty tired. I would be tired too if I had to sit day and night on a uncomfortable hospital seat waiting for any good news, besides that he has only visited Tyler a few times. But, still, he refuses to leave.

It's been a week already, and Tyler is getting worse. He hasn't died yet, and that's what truly matter, but his heartbeats are getting weaker and everyday he looks more like a corpse than an actual person. I'm still scared of losing him, but I'm also starting to lose hope.

Mark noticed my strange behavior first. He told me I should probably get away from the hospital so I don't get more depressed or some shit, and I had no other choice than to agree with him. I still visit Tyler, but most of the day I wander alone this cafe or I lock myself inside the tour bus.

I take a sip of the coffee that I ordered twenty minutes ago (which is kinda cold now) and I stare at Mark again.

"How's Tyler?" I ask, trying to sound casual.

Mark gives me a concerned look.

"I think you already know the answer."

"Yeah but, you know, I haven't gone to the hospital today. I don't know if he's awake or if he's dead or what's happening in general."

Mark's concerned look doesn't fade away and I realize he's worried again for my attitude.

"Well, there's something new this time." He makes an effort to sound neutral. "He's not having trouble breathing anymore. It's possible that he will breathe on his own in a few days, but the doctors still don't know when will he wake up."

When will he wake up. The last few days I've heard the same phrase over and over. With the negativism I've developed through the pass of time I automatically change that phrase in my head so it sounds like If he wakes up.

I'm not sure if Tyler is gonna wake up tho, I got tired of begging him to stay with me. I got tired of having faith, I even got tired of blaming myself for this. I already accepted I'm a useless piece of shit.

But if Tyler is no longer having trouble breathing, that means there are more chances he will be okay, right? That means he will probably wake up.

I take another sip of the coffee and try to hide my excitement before Mark notices it. But it's too late.

"So," Mark raises an eyebrow and smiles. "Do you wanna see him?"

I shrug again.

"Ok. But I'm not sure if the doctors will let me see him. They really don't like me around. Probably because I'm always throwing tantrums."

The smile on Mark's face disappears and is replaced with a serious frown.

"Josh," He taps the table in front of us with his fingers. "I know you don't like it when I ask you if you're okay, but I know you're not really okay, and everyone can see it."

I'm about to respond with sarcasm but Mark cuts me off.

"I know I told you you should get away from the hospital, but staying here is not doing you any better. I don't know if you knew this but the crew is staying on the hotel you and Tyler stayed on when we first arrived to this town. I thought it may be a good idea if you joined them and slept on a hotel room instead of in the tour bus."

I remember that hotel. It's filled with so many memories that it makes me sad to think of them. If I accept Mark's invitation I will feel worse than I feel right now, and I don't wanna cry as much as I did before ever again.

"No thanks." That's my only response. "I'm comfortable in the tour bus."

"I know you're not." Mark's voice is hoarse. "Dude, just let me help you."

"You have done a lot for me, and I'm very thankful." I give him a sad smile. "But I can't go back to that hotel. I don't feel strong enough to inhale more bad vibes."

"Oh, I-" Mark gulps and I can see he's sweating. "I know you have had trouble with those flashbacks of yours but I don't think they're going to affect you anymore. I mean, it has been a week already..." He holds his breath and I don't understand why is he so nervous. "Sorry Josh, I just wanna see you okay."

"I know." I should probably accept his offer, that's the best thing I can do to pay him for everything. "Just give me some time to think about it, ok?"

Mark nods and lets out his breath. I finally finish drinking my coffee when I hear the door of the place opening again. I don't pay attention to whoever enters this time.

But then I realize someone is calling my name.

"Josh Dun." I hear Jenna's harsh voice. "There you are."

I quickly turn around and stare into her eyes. She looks annoyed and tired. Her hair runs in all directions and her face is covered in sweat.

I gulp and look at Mark but he looks as confused as me.

"What's wrong Jenna?" I raise an eyebrow. "Did something happen to-"

"This has nothing to do with Tyler." Jenna quickly sighs and calms down, but doesn't say another word.

"Then?" Mark joins the conversation. "What happened?"

There's a long silence. Jenna seems to be looking for the exact words to use, and I can't judge her but the suspense is killing me. I realize there's other people in the cafe that are staring at us with curiosity and I get nervous.

"The thing is," Jenna finally squeaks and she sounds disappointed. "there's someone who wants to talk to Josh."

(A/N)

Y'ALL I'M INTERRUPTING YOUR READING TO REMIND YOU THAT HEATHENS BY TØP IS AMAZING ALSO TOMORROW IS JOSH'S BIRTHDAY AYY ',:^)