"He started yelling at me for shaving my head" Riley was laughing "I didn't know what to say.. So I shouted at him that it's a test for him and he shut up then started to complement me.. You should've seen his face" She was vibrating from laughter.
"I really want to laugh, but I don't have the energy to do it" I said sounding like a robot. My voice was hoarse because of throwing up all the time. I was tired and I felt like dying.
"Sorry" She wiped the smile of her face.
"I didn't mean that you should stop laughing" I said.
"I know.. now sleep" I just came back from the 5th chemo session and I haven't called Tobias back. I'm glad he didn't call again.
I woke up shaking of the cold.. We were in spring and it was my favorate weather but now I'm cold.. I rushed to the bathroom and started to throw up.. I barely made it back to the bed. I looked at the clock and it was 4:00 PM. I've slept for 3 hours only.
Another wave of nausea passed, but this time I didn't make it to the bathroom.. I threw up on the floor next to my bed. I was dizzy and tired and pain was shooting through my body. It was hurting more than before. I fell to the ground and Riley ran to my room and screamed for Steve. She helped me to my bed and yelled for Steven again who came in running this time. Steve was taking his courses at home like me now, staying full time with me..
"I think we should take her to the hospital" He scooped me like I weigh nothing and ran downstairs telling Ri to stay with Emma.
As soon as he opened the door.. A tall, Oh so familiar figure, was standing there. "Steve? Why did you shave yo.." He stopped talking when he saw the slim figure in Steve's arms.. He didn't recognize me at first but then he said "Hillary? Hillary? What happened to you?"
"Move" Steven said then put me in the back seat.
"Help!" Steve yelled in the emergency room. Then Tobias came in after us. A latino nurse, Lucia came running to us.. She knows me, she's been my nurse ever since I had the surgery. "Put her on the bed, I'll page Dr. John"
"Hillary" Tobias spoke again.
"Steve" I said coughing "Make him leave" I spoke weakly barely letting the words out.
"Tobias, leave" Steven said shoving him towards the direction of the exit.
"No.. I want to know what's wrong. Wasn't she in Europe? Did she catch a bug? What's wrong with her.. Hillary please" He said "What happened?"
"She wasn't in stupid Europe.. She got Cancer okay? She's under chemo therapy.. Now leave her alone.. Your the only person she doesn't want to tell.. Leave" He commaded him making him go.
I woke up in a hospital room, mom and dad were sitting on either sides of my bed.. Soon after I woke up John came in.
"Hilary. What did I tell you about hydration.. You should keep drinking and at least eat something.. We gave you minirals.."
"You worried us there for a sec honey" Mom said kissing the back of my hand.
"I want them removed" I said. I couldn't take it anymore.. The pain, the cold, the tiredness.. I couldn't.
"You want what removed?"
"My ovaries and breasts.. Just remove them.. I don't want to have cancer anymore.. Please" Tears started flooding my eyes.
"There's only two more sessions left and you're done"
"It's never done. What if years later it came back? I can't do it.. I won't survive it. I can't. It's painful. It hurts. It is killing me. Please" I cried.
"Honey, don't make a dicision you'll regret later" Mom said "Just two more sessions and if you're not cancer free, we'll do the surgery"
When I woke up again, Tobias was infront of me. Oh man! I thought he left.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked sounding and looking hurt. "Why did you make everyone lie? Did you think I won't like you if you have cancer?"
"Go away Tobias" I said, my voice barely heard.
"Cause I do, I still like you." He said ignoring my demand. "And I don't want to leave.. You've left me wondering what I did wrong.. I suffered and I tried to move on. I couldn't. You were always on my mind." He said.
"Please go" I asked gently when I felt tears in my eyes.
"I'll leave when you tell me why" He was calm and peaceful yet sad and hurt.
"You're just like this cancer" I said "I hate you, but you're a part of me and I can't make you leave without help.. Why won't you help me and go? Why are you killing me slowly by consuming me.. By making me love you? Why are you doing this to me.. It's enough that I'm going to die.. You want me to worry about you too?" I yelled as tears started streaming down my face.
His features softened as tears welled up in his eyes "First of all" he said calmly "You are not going to die and second of all" He paused "I love you too." He said raising my chin in order to meet my watery gaze. "I love you" he said again "And I will never leave you"
He loves me..
"Finallyy!!" Riley said "You know!" She told Tobias who was sitting by my bed.
"Yeah and thanks for lying to me this whole time" Tom told her..
"She made me!" She pointed accusingly at me. The kipleys came to visit soon after Tobby and I had our little talk.
"Are you okay?" Kayla asked after noticing my shivering "Do you want me to call the doctor?"
"No.. I'm fine. Just cold" I said
"Do you want a cover?" Tom asked. I shook my head no. "Are you sure? You're shaking" He said.
"It's okay"
"That's it. I'll call the doctor" Tobias said.
"I said I'm fine!" I yelled "This is normal but you wouldn't know" I said.
"Hey!" Tom yelled at me "We're just trying to help"
"I don't need your help" I yelled at him.
"I didn't know because you didn't tell me" Tobias finally talked "You broke up with me remember?"
"I do. I think it should stay that way" I said suddenly feeling weak and tired and the pain started jolting through my body.
"Wow there! Calm down" Tobias said "We just made up"
"I can't do this" I said weakly glancing at Riley for help. She didn't know what to do. Does she make them leave? Or does she tell me to calm down?
"I think you should leave" Steven said standing by the door. "She needs to rest and you're doing more harm than good."
"But I'm her boyfriend" Tobias said after his siblings walked out.
"Not anymore" I said struggling to breathe. "I can't be with you.. I'm not ready"
