I'm dreading Chemo, I hate it.. I tried it once and I so freaking hate it.. They directly hook us to the IV and the chemicals.. During the first hour I thought Wow this will be easy, I have no idea why people hate this.. That was because in the first hour, the chemicals didn't kick in yet. I went to the bathroom and peed red, first I though Oh my God, Blood.. I started freaking out, but John explained that this is due to a chemical. The red pee remained for a couple of days and I freak out every time. A wave of nausea comes next due to the taste of the chemicals and I will never forget the taste.. I then become tired and would do anything to not vomit.. The first 2 days I vomit everything I put in my mouth so I try to stop eating but the ones babysitting me force me into eating.. I feel cold and start shivering a lot on the third day then on the fourth I feel fatigue and tired.. That stays for couple of days until Sunday then on Monday you feel like a normal person and have a week to be normal and study.. But in the first week after chemo, the pain I felt was extreme.. It's like every muscle of your body is being torn and you feel like sleeping all the time but this horrible pain keeps you from doing it. It's horrible... Chemo is the worst treatment there is, To be better you have to feel worse. And guess what! The second time was just the same...
"Hey Kevin" Mom's boyfriend always came and checked up on me even when mom isn't around.. He told me that his wife died of cancer and he told me about his experience. Dad on the other hand, broke up with his girlfriend whose name was Beverly and he hated Kevin but tried to conceal it.
"How are you today?"
"Meh.. Better than usual. I'm dreading next Monday" I said. Beth left and Riley moved back in so she could help.
"Hillaryyy" My sister jumped into my room. "Guess who asked about you today"
"Who?" I asked hoping it wasn't Tobias. He asked about me after I dropped out and told Ri that he hopes that I didn't leave because of him.
"The Kipleys" She said "One of the Kipleys is Tobias.. They adopted him two days ago. Tom was extremely happy about it, you should've seen them..Finally being a family after a long time of not accepting from Tobby's side"
"You were there?" I asked trying to mask my feelings.
"Yeah"
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked trying to hide my hurt.
"You broke up with Tobias.. I figured that you won't like talking about him"
"Oh, so what did they ask?"
"They asked me when you're coming back from Europe" Yeah Ri told them that I went to Beth's for a tour around Europe.. It's a great cover but of course she always made excuses about why she can't invite them over.
"And?"
"I told them that I have no idea" She shrugged
That evening the family gathered at our house, Jade and Andrieh were here. Andy as we call him was told by Jade when he saw her crying after I told them that I have ovarian cancer. So he was the one to sooth her and Meg and take care of them. I took a long bath after my third chemo session and was preparing myself for the dinner which I know I'll throw up or won't eat.
I looked at the bathtub floor to find black long hair on it.. I went to the mirror and found bald spots on my head.. I started brushing my hand through my once tall, beautiful, shiny hair and locks of my black hair came out. I was pale, extremely thin, and I truly looked horrifying.. My breaths became harder, I sarted to panic and freak out. I'm ugly and I'm going to die. I sat myself on the bed and cried. I cried for the first time since I was diagnosed.. The bitchy part of me just collapsed.. I'm just weak and vulnerable.. I tried to take deep breaths when Riley came in.. She rushed to me like a rocket.
"What's wrong? Don't cry" She started to cry with me.
"I'm losing my hair" I said between sobs "I'm losing everything.. I am going to die"
"No you're not" She suddenly stopped crying and walked to the bathroom.
"What are you doing?" I asked her when she held the electric razor up to her head.
"I'm shaving my head and so are you.. Losing your hair is part of the healing situation.. And we're identical.. When you lose your hair, I lose mine" That made me cry, I wish she will never have cancer.. I thank God that we aren't identical in this deadly disease. She shaved her head then started to shave mine.. She then got 2 peices of identical clothes and tied it around our heads..
"There" She said "Perfect, we're even more beautiful this way" What a wonderful lie.
When we went outside, mom started crying as soon as she saw us. "What happened?" Dad asked.. But then Kevin walked into the house, 2 minutes later he came out bald. "Bald is sexier, right?" He asked Ri who nodded her head frequently with a smile on her face.
Then the most amazing thing happened.. Everyone went inside and shaved their heads.. Even mom did it and we all know how much she loves her hair.. I was grateful to everyone.. Too bad I didn't sit with those bald people, because a wave of nausea kept me in the bathroom with Chad sitting next to me telling me stuff about college and his new girlfriend Sabrina..
"Who is it?" I asked over the phone.
"It's me Tobias" He said "I guess you returned home from Europe"
"Uh.. Yeah" I said since I was using my phone. I should've checked the number before answering.. I'm such an idiot sometimes.
"So, did you think of me? I really thought about you alot." He said "Hillary?"
"Uh.. Yeah I'm here" I said. I was getting my 5th session of chemo and I was keeping myself from vomiting. "I.. I can't talk right now. I'm sorry" I said.
"If you don't talk, I'm coming over"
"What'd you want Tobby" I slipped, calling him by his nickname.
"So you did think about me.. It's been a long time" He said.
"Yeah 3 months and a half" I slipped again showing him that I've been counting the days since we separated.
"Did you miss me?" His voice sounded hurt, but I didn't respond "I missed you" He said "I've been thinking about you a lot.. Hillary?" He said and I couldn't take it anymore.. I hung up and started to throw up..
