Never Too Late

Chapter 6.3: Meaningless

I didn't want to stop anywhere. I knew exactly where Alex was, in his old house in Neptune. I drove my way there after breaking up with Ken, and I didn't waste any time. I knew exactly what I was going to do. I ran to his front door, but he already came out with a basket of flowers. The snow was light, but it was cold. I stopped as soon as he noticed me, and it drove me crazy, the way he walked towards me.

"Hey." He continued with his basket of flowers. "Are you ready?"

"What?" I started to get confused, and somehow, I was hoping he wanted to have sex with me again. It could've helped with the chill, and with what happened the previous night, it wasn't too impossible. "I don't get it."

"We're going to Sharon's grave, remember?" he smiled, the way he always does, the way he makes me crazy.

"Oh..." my heart skipped a beat. I was hoping it was something sexy, not that I didn't want to visit Sharon. "Yeah, I forgot. Sorry."

"It's actually good that you happened to stop by. You could drive us to the place, save me the trouble of getting a cab and calling you." He chuckled.

"Okay." I nodded. Somehow, I wanted to delay my plans of confessing to Alex because I didn't want to make Sharon's day all about me, although we were a day early for her death anniversary. Alex walked right past me and to my car to load the basket, but I kept on contemplating on what I should do. My hands clenched. I wanted to make a move, but I didn't know what, when, where, or how. All I know is why, because I didn't want to lose Alex.

Alex and I drove to the cemetery and walked to where Sharon's tombstone was. Even through the thick snow on the ground, we could still remember where exactly it was. Alex placed his basket of flowers right in front of the tombstone, and we stood beside it.

"I can't believe it's been so long." He said.

"You'll be surprised how time flies when you're busy." I replied. Somehow, Alex got the wrong message, and he started to react accordingly misguided.

"Hey, come on, Liyah." He started. Apparently, he thought what I meant by busy was the fact that he always used that fact to not return my calls back when we were doing the long distance relationship thing. "I told you, I'm sorry about not being able to call-"

"Alex!" I chuckled as I interrupted him. "It's not what I meant. Like I said, water under the bridge!"

"Oh..." that got a little awkward. But the silence kinda' drove it away, and he started to talk again after the short silence. "Hey... about the other night..."

"Don't sweat it." I went ahead of him. "Just act like it didn't happen. I'm sure it was as meaningless to you as it was to me."

"Was it..." he turned to me and stared, the way he does, the way he pierces through my eyes like he was reading my mind. "Meaningless?... to you?"

"It doesn't matter what it means to me." I turned away. Somehow, I was doing the exact opposite of what I was supposed to be doing. I wanted him to oppose me, to fight for exactly what Harvey said. "We're two separate people with two separate relationships, and if we want to avoid the same pain we caused to Nick and Winnie, I'd say it should be meaningless."

"Meaningless, huh?... Okay, then." Alex continued staring even when I was trying to look away. He turned away and slowly nodded. It didn't seem okay to him, but I probably nailed too much of it to him. He probably thought I really didn't want anything from him anymore, but that wasn't the truth. The wall of pride was blocking me, and I couldn't break free. Alex turned and walked away back to the car. I was there, contemplating everything I just did. I turned to see Alex, and he was just walking away. I couldn't stop him as I just stood there.

I started to think. Was this what Sharon would've wanted for us, for me to turn Alex away, driving him completely gone? Didn't Sharon leave me a letter telling me that Alex loved me, the way he just looked at me? Was it okay for me to just stand there, seeing Alex go?

My hand clenched, and a tear went down...