Chapter 30
Another few days passed, and I knew this distance was going to do us in.
It was nearly impossible to speak to Gardenia now, since she didn't answer much, and when she did, they were short responses. She didn't help keep the conversation going, and she often 'had to go', resulting in us not talking for the rest of the day.
She never emailed me first. She's been in Florida for almost two weeks now, and she has yet to ask me how I'm doing. I couldn't let that go, for some reason.
I didn't know what to do at this point. Should I confront her about it? Continue to ignore it? Should I give up on her?
I knew the answer to the last one was a no. I could never give up on her. I loved her, and I was hellbent on making this long distance work. The only problem was, she wasn't. It seemed as though she didn't care enough to talk to me. She didn't care enough to see how I'm doing, or what I'm doing. She didn't care enough to offer more than a few words each email. She didn't care enough to Skype me.
It was as though I was an afterthought to her.
I didn't see your email. I'm heading to bed right now, sorry I can't talk.
G xoxo
Good morning to you too! I know I'm two hours late, and it's the afternoon now, I'm sorry. Connor and I are going shopping, so I can't talk. I need a lot more summer clothes than I packed. I can finally get those black shorts we were talking about.
G xoxo
Oops, didn't see your message again. I'm terrible at reading emails. I have to go give yet another speech, so I gotta run.
G xoxo
It was like I was on the back burner. She never woke up in the morning thinking about me. She never decides to send me a good morning, and tell me that she hopes I have a good day. She never tells me goodnight first, she never tells me to have a good sleep.
She was supposed to, right? I wasn't supposed to be doing all of the work. I wasn't supposed to be answering her in two seconds, while she took hours. I wasn't supposed to be the one to always email her first. Does she even think about me at all? Does she look at things in Florida, and think 'that reminds me of Harry'. Or does everything go back to Connor now? I don't mean to sound jealous, but fuck, I am. Whenever she does send me a short email, she's sure to include Connor in it somehow. And Connor is taking her to buy the black shorts we talked about. She doesn't even know that I mailed her a pair, because I bought some at the mall the other day. It was supposed to be a romantic gesture, however much a pair of shorts can be romantic, but at this point, I don't even know what we are.
How can we be in a relationship, when she doesn't give me the time of day? How can she so carelessly shrug me off, when all I do everyday is wish for her to talk to me? It isn't fair.
My mum walked into my room, finding me sulking on my bed. She smiled sympathetically before sitting beside me.
"What's wrong, sweetie?"
I rubbed my face.
"Long distance is a lot harder than I thought it would be, mum."
She rubbed my back gently, something she's always done for me when I'm upset. Now was no different.
My mum hasn't been home very often, either, making me even lonelier. It wasn't her fault, I always told her to go. She has been hanging out with a guy called Robin, who lived a couple of houses down. They've really hit it off, and I'm incredibly happy for my mum, who hasn't been in a happy relationship since she and my dad first met. I was glad she found somebody to keep her company apart from her son.
