i'm scared to death of being like my dad
he wasn't a bad man, but he wasn't a good father
it seemed like family wasn't something
he wanted to bother with
he cheated on my mother,
and he was an alcoholic
i've cheated on my wife, back when we were dating
and i have the worst trouble staying sober
what if i end up like him?
and drop dead, leaving my son without someone to guide
with no one to stay there and be beside
because his mom can't unsee her husband from the son's face
she just can't stand the resemblance, so she counts down the days
until she can kick him out, and tell him to get out of her place
mia, i wanted so badly to be your daddy
but i was afraid of being like mine
and i failed with you, i failed so bad
and now i'm scared to my bones again
because i know with my son i'm just going
to screw up and fail again
oh mia, i was too young to be your dad
i was barely sixteen, but i still loved you
(even though i could barely handle losing your brother
i loved you but i think i abandoned you too much to chase after your mother)
baby girl, i won't lie and say that i tried
because maybe i did in my own way,
but baby girl, you deserved way better
not parents who shot heroin in their toes because their veins almost collapsed
not parents who snorted coke and did things no person should ever do
not a dad who was diagnosed as crazy, and a mom who was undiagnosed but crazier
not a set of suicidals, selfish and uncaring
you deserved better than us, baby girl
but at least i can say we both loved you
in our own twisted ways
oh baby girl, i'm so sorry
i know all you wanted was a mommy and daddy
not just any mommy and daddy--yours
and i'm sorry neither of us could give that to you
i'm sorry i had an episode, and my mind was too damaged to remember you
but i remember you know, and sometimes i wish i didn't
because i don't want to remember just how many times we'd drive you
half-baked to your great-grandparents and drop you off
with no inclination of when we'd come back
i guess you were too young to feel abandoned by us
(i can thank the lord for that,
how your innocence protected you)
but i remember the times we couldn't wait to try and kill ourselves
