smoke

i just want you to know that...

i am not your first choice--

and i am not the best choice.

there are better people out there for you,

better friends and better lovers.

my good days are very good, yes,

but my bad days are very bad, too.

i am happy at one moment,

i am terribly sad at the next.

i will not always talk to you,

i will not always want to share,

and i won't even try to promise you

that i'll always be thankful you are here.

there will be days where i don't feel like

you should love me,

and on those days i won't love myself either.

i'll second guess myself and i'll second guess my affection

for you and your affection for me.

i'll wonder why you think i'm a good person,

and i'll feel like deep down you know i'm bad.

sometimes i'll cling to you so desperately,

and sometimes i'll push you away.

i'll say things that are blunt and have no second-meaning,

and i'll speak in metaphors--

and i'll get mad when you confuse them

and take my metaphors at face-value

and my bluntness as something deeper.

we'll argue and we'll make up;

i'll forgive you and you might forgive me.

i'll tell you i'm fine and i'll be lying,

i'll tell you i'm fine and i'll be telling the truth.

i'll be honest with you sometimes--too honest--

and i'll be cryptic and tell you to go away

when i want you to chase me.

i'll get jealous, and i'll get mad,

i'll act stupid, and i'll be immature

and child-like.

i won't fool you into thinking i'm perfect,

and if you ever thought that i should be perfect

then i want you to walk away

(i'll try to walk away a lot,

and there will be times when you'll need to let me go

and give me space and leave me alone--

but there will also be times when you need to hold me tight

and not let me out of sight).

and sometimes i'll think that you should be perfect,

and i'll get disappointed when you're not.

things won't be easy, see,

but we'll have good times, too.

at times i'll love you so fiercely and loyally,

and i'll do anything to make you happy and protect you.

at times i'll be sweet enough to rot your teeth,

and at times i'll be the best person you ever thought i could be.

i'll write you pretty things, but i write ugly things, too--

it'll be a game of give and take, but i'll try to give my all to you.

see, things won't always be heaven--but things won't always be hell.

and that's the honesty of it all,

and i just want you to know that.