When Words Fail

Chapter 11

All of them came rushing to me.

They caught me still staring at myself at the mirror.

"What's wrong?" Tish moved beside me and held my shoulders.

Then she followed my gaze through the mirror.

"Don't worry it'll be gone before you know it." Tish reassured me.

"My head hurts," I put the heel of my hand into my temple without the welt, "I remembered something. Something horrible." My knees went weak as the image of me in the hospital---broken--- flashed in my mind again.

Luke rushed beside me and replaced Tish in holding my shoulders.

"I think you should go back to bed." Luke said.

He turned me around and I saw Toni's face, his expression was hurting.

We passed them but he stayed there, looking into something non-existent.

He stayed like that for a short moment of time, but long enough for me to notice there's also something's wrong with him.

Jake patted him in his back and motioned him to go out.

Luke noticed me staring at Toni.

"He'll be fine. He's just not used in seeing people panic." He sighed. "It makes him uncomfortable."

I looked down, looking at my hand with dextrose on it.

"So can you tell us what you remembered?" Tish patted my back.

"I-I saw. . " I hesitate. I don't tell people my thoughts.

"You don't have to tell us if it makes your head ache." Luke told me. Tish nodded.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"15 minutes to 5pm." Sean answered me this time.

As I remembered, we were dismissed in Algebra by 10 o'clock. I was out for almost seven hours?

"Don't you have classes?" I asked again.

"We attended some," Luke turned his gaze to Tish, "but this poor girl here stayed with you the whole time."

I looked at Tish. She looked exhausted.

"Really?" I let out a long sigh. "Why?"

"Becau---" She started to explain but I cut her.

"If you feel responsible to look out for me, no. You should have attended your classes."

"When I saw you I---" The look on her face was awful when I cut her words again.

"You pity me." The words turned out to be harsher than I intended to. "Don't. I don't need it."

"I-I just. . . " she stammered at her words then she grabbed her bag and ran outside.

"Why do you keep on shooing the people who cares for you?" Luke raised his voice.

"You." I looked at him. "All of you." I looked at the remaining people in the room and pointed my finger to the door. "Out."

My voice was low but full of strength.

Luke looked at me like he's disgusted and exited the room together with Sean and Brian, who both looked at me like I was infected with Aids.

I let an exactly five minutes to pass before I burst out crying. I let it all out.

It hurt me to tell them that, and I know I hurt them, but I'm too selfish to share this pain I'm feeling. I just pushed the thought that it's better to hurt them a little than burden them with this inexplicable pain I'm feeling.

I'm an idiot.

Was that a memory? Or just a dream I had?

If it was just a dream, why did it hurt me like I was hit by a raging truck?

Why does my head hurt so much?

Why do I keep bothering people? Making them feel responsible for me?

I'm tired of all of this.

But this time, I will let these tears fall.