Heart of Moss

Tmi

Holding onto hope just isn't enough sometimes

Occasionally I may seem crazy or irrational

I may scare and worry those around me
Which they should be

Because as calm or as perfectly happy with being amazingly insane

I am not

I am a lie
I am a fault
I am a flaw
I am a girl, a girl who can't see past substance and superficial things like looks
But it's all I've known
All that has made me
Me

I am a lie
Do I deserve to live
Not my call

I sometimes wait
But then grasp back onto that sanity

Sometimes I grasp my bed at night
Holding it tight cause it can't run away
Only me

So I am finally going to tell the truth... A bit not all but a bit

I am a liar but that's the human part of me

I am empty
Yes happy and sadness come in phases but do not stay

I love rock music, and 90s hip hop and rnb but I truly love 80-90s alternative and rock

I am utterly fat and need to fix that

I put myself at the butt of jokes to make other people, who are deservingly pretty and should never feel how I feel, happy.

I am not funny
I am rude
I talk about other people

I think a lot about how, when and where I would die and how people would take it

I have a ungodly love for a boy I used to know

I love my family so much it hurts
I cry over my mother at night because sometimes I wonder what life would be like without her and it sucks

She is my favorite person
Eh sometimes

I let people walk over me because sometimes you don't need to fight things

I don't know what people feel but if they feel like me sometimes you just want things to go your way

I have nightmares.
I wake up frequently with headaches

I sleep all day because I get bored of life and dreams are seemingly better

I try not to think about loosing my best friend and how much it should hurt... I used to cry over him... Everytime he'd say he'd leave because he was my lifeline. He made me want to live and I can't thank him enough but I have to let him go.

And I have no one believes me though but I have.
I don't know if I love him.. I suppose I do he's been there all my life probably the love of my life, well my child life.

Tears just don't come out anymore and I'm okay.
Maybe I have become cold hearted I'm tired of crying I'm tired of feeling pain so why not stop

But I love my life that's the truth
I would never trade it in Because I am so thankful to be imperfect

I'm crying right now and that's the truth

These are my truth I love my family. I love my bullies, I love every person who has treated me wrong because they were real enough to tell me.

I expect people to care about my death so to speak yet I have no idea how I would feel if anyone I know would leave me and never come back

I would never see there smile again

So this is my truth

I am thankful for all of my flaws and the people who showed me them. And the ones who helped me cover them up.

Merry Christmas (2015)

(November 2016)

As I look over this a year later, I've see. How much I've grown...

I'm bolder, sometimes you do need to fight

I'm wiser...

I'm stronger...

Letting him go was hard, yet I made even better friendships

I still love him, but I've opened my heart again to new guys and... we'll it's made me realize how normal it is to love

I am beautiful
I love my body
I no longer have nightmares just wonderful dreams

I have hope
I am hilarious
I am kind
I am sweet
I am loved

I am thankful for the life I am living
I love you all whether you are reading or not.

You matter to me, you are who I vent to ... so thankyou

Happy thanksgiving