Unfading Connection (complete)

Hard habit to break

                  

Eli's POV

The night is cool and quiet. We sit on a table overlooking the city.

How will I answer Anton exactly why I did not enter in any relationship the past years? He knows he hurt me but I guess he doesn't know how much he hurt me.
He doesn't know that he hurt me much because I loved him. And up to now I still love him.

I just can't believe when it comes to him my mind is clouded.  I can't reason out and my sense are not working. It's just like before. His charm is pulling me deeper in him.

Even I know exactly that my situation with him is unclear, I can't stop responding with his kisses. As if I am hungry with his touch, hungry with his embrace and kisses.

He can fill the empty space in my heart............but he can also break it at the same time.

I've been used to deal with my life and my problems alone. I need to be strong and I do not rely on anyone's help. I am an independent woman and I am proud of it. But even if I show I am strong outside, a part of me is weak inside. I am afraid to fall in love and get hurt again.

Looking deeper in my heart I can't deny that Anton is holding a big part of it.

"Hey, so serious." Anton touch the tip of my nose to distract me from my thoughts." Come on the night is so young and beautiful. Let's enjoy it." I gave him a weak smile.

"What would you like to eat? Steak, chicken or sea food? I recommend all."

"Please order for me, Anton. And don't forget the salad please," I will just try to put something in my stomach as I lost already my appetite and my strength. It's been a long day already for me.

We ate almost in silence. Exchanging few conversations........non-sense conversations. I know Anton is trying his best to lighten the mood.

This time he quit trying as he silently stands up and pulled my hand to walk towards his car. We still drove in silence. My mind lingers to nothing and I stare blankly at the site outside. My sense went back only when the car halted. As I'm about to step off the car, I realized that I am not in front of my apartment. Anton opened the door and pulled my hand to help me out. We went straight to the elevator and his hands firmly set on my waist. My mind is numb to question and my body is weak to resist to what is happening. I just let the things flow.

The door opened to a luxurious suite. I am in his suite. When the door closed he suddenly sweep me towards his hard chest and his lips claimed mine. His lips punishing at the start while I try to push him away then it turned to a longing kiss, pleading for my response. He stopped and hug me tight.

"Eli, I'm very sorry," he whispers on top of my head as he plants small kisses to my head," I am angry with myself after you left that night. I am angry at myself because I did not try hard to find you. And when I found you, I am angry at myself that I was a fool that I believed that you are married. I was shuttered into pieces as I can't have you anymore. I endure each day not to see and touch you."

He cups my face and look into my eyes, "Please, Eli, it hurts me a lot that I was your mistake."

I look into his eyes and I can't deny that deep in my heart I love him.

That that love can overpower the hurt I am feeling.

That that love is willing to take the risk even if I get hurt again in the end.

The last walls that remained standing are now all shuttered as I don't care anymore what tomorrow may bring.

I can't deny anymore my feelings for him.