Stutter | A Jaspar Fanfic

21. Going Nowhere

After his fight with Will, Joe stopped talking to everyone and shut off his phone so he wouldn't itch to call up his best friend and apologize for the way he acted. He ended up laying on the side of his bed and ignored his family, even if they did come in separately to see what was wrong. He just stared at his wall, eyes rimmed red, and his mind a mess. All Joe wanted to do was travel back in time to the day he wore those flower jeans to school. Maybe if he hadn't worn them, none of this would have happened. He wouldn't be treated like glass, he wouldn't be looked at differently; Caspar would be fine, and Will and he wouldn't have faught.

He thought back to everything that has happened and tried to sort all of his feelings out, only to come up with nothing. Why was everyone saying that him loving Caspar was reckless? Why was everyone saying that he was abused? Joe didn't get it. There were brief moments where he would think that maybe, just maybe, they were right. That he actually does need to get some help and figure himself out and put himself first before Caspar. The thought came and went quicker than the blink of an eye; there was no way he was letting Caspar go. It could be called selfish because Joe wanted the South African all to himself, or it could be called selfless because Joe will always put the other boy first, but he doesn't care.

All Joe knows is that Caspar makes him feel safe, and fine. Makes him feel loved, cared for. When Joe's with Caspar, the boy doesn't treat him like broken glass. He doesn't mention Jackson, doesn't mention that he should go into Therapy like the rest of the people in his life does. He'll just listen to Joe ramble on about his favorite things and won't talk about anything serious. He treats Joe like Joe wants to be treated; not like fine China, but like a person.

Joe went to sleep that night stressed, only wanting Caspar with him and nothing more.

$$$

The next morning, Joe didn't want to get up. He wanted to lay in bed and not go to school where he would see Will. He wanted to stay in the safety and warmth of his bed, not having to deal with anything going on with his life. But sadly, he skipped school yesterday so he had to go to school today.

Zoe was happy for some reason, humming under her breath as she curled her hair in her mirror; wearing her favorite jeans and top she only did on those special days. Joe walked in just as she skipped out, her hair bouncing behind her. She looked over her shoulder, apologized for almost running into him, and then went back into her room.

I wish I had that energy, Joe though, running his hands through his hair as he shuffled to the bathroom and fixed himself up for school. I just want all this shit to be over.

If waking up was bad, driving to school was even worse. Joe drove in silence; not being able to handle the music playing in the background. It just felt so wrong, made him annoyed. All he wished for was peace, and silence so he could figure out how to climb out of the hell hole he found himself living in.

$$$

Joe refused to speak to everyone that day. When Oli tried to speak to him, he simply gave him one worded answers until he finally said he and Will had a fight and didn't want to speak about it before sitting in silence, his friend staying near him just in case he needed comforting. It made him feel a little better that Oli stayed with him instead of running off to Will and asking what had happened. It made him glad that he had such loyal friends, well, at least one loyal one.

When he past Zoe on her way to lunch and she reached out with a large smile, going to speak to him, he just gave a shy wave; smiling awkwardly at her, Louise, Marcus, Alfie, and Niomi, before scurrying off to his class. She tried to call out after him, but there younger sibling was already turning the corner; eyes on the ground as he walked off and ignored the annoying emptiness in his chest. In class, when teachers called on him he simply said whatever he had to, to get out of it. He ignored his classmates, teachers, friends, everyone.