Stutter | A Jaspar Fanfic

26. Nightmares and Confessions

The night Joe went to bed, practicing how was going to tell his parents he wanted help, was a bad one. Not only was he drilled with anxiety and panic of how they would respond, he was also trying to find a way to sleep properly. He tried telling himself that it was no big deal. Things with Will went okay. Sure, they were going to be acting awkward around each other for a while; but Joe knew Will didn't mean to hurt him and was just trying to help. Will wasn't his parents though. His dad was protective of him and Zoe, ever since they turned thirteen and started to become attracted to other people, and would probably get out of hand. He could still remember the night he told his father he liked boys.

It was in year eight. Joe was around five feet one, while Zoe had already grown to her adult height of five feet four, and he was even more insecure about his height when he did some self discovery and found out he liked the same gender. He was familiar with stereotypes of gay men being small and feminine, and he didn't want to end up like that; he wanted to have a normal build and height. At that age, he didn't realize people were just dicks trying to make others like him feel sad about himself, and to this day; it left a permanent mark on his brain.

He felt like throwing up that night. He was only fourteen years old, was he really ready to come out to his whole family? At once? Joe wasn't used to speaking about his feelings, mostly because he's never gone through anything like this. He didn't even really struggle, considering the people he knew didn't care about being gay or straight. His friends only cared if you were good at Rugby or not, and that's all they talked about. They were even the ones who made him realize his sexuality.

Joe had been friends with a guy named Mason for quiet a while; and started noticing how his eyes started looking over his body way too much. He would finish laps early during Sports and sit down on the bench; eyes never leaving Mason. Joe enjoyed the way his body moved; the slope of his upper body leading down to his lower, and he liked to pretend he was on a piece of paper - tracing all of his curves. Mason's eyes were what made Joe feel weak. He had gorgeous eyes, which was weird to say about someone, but to Joe; it didn't freak him out. When he started doing the same thing with other guys, though, is when he started to freak out.

When he mentioned it to his friends, though, he started to feel slightly more sane.

"Dude," His friend Jason said one day, nudging his elbow and pointing to one of the older kids on the field, playing Rugby. "That guy is so good."

"Yeah," Joe said, looking over at him. He licked his lips subconsciously, as Jason continued on.

"I wish I looked like him, to be honest. That dude is fit."

"You find him attractive?" Joe asked incredulously, looking over at his friends with wide eyes.

"Yeah," Jason said, looking over at the brunet with a raised eyebrow. "What's so wrong with that?"

"Nothing, I've just never heard a guy call another guy attractive." Even if I am a boy who finds boys attractive.

"It's not big deal," Jason shrugged. "I pretty much would bone anything that moves. I asked my sister about it and she said I could bisexual."

Joe paused for a moment before replying. "Do you think I could be that?"

"Do you like girls?"

Joe had to think for a long hard moment. Did he like girls? He never really payed any attention to them. Some of Zoe's friends were pretty, but he was never attracted to them. He didn't have a crush on them, or have wet dreams about girls like normal boys do. Girls were casual to him, just humans living among everyone else like him. Boys, though, are different. Joe likes the body a boy has more than a girl; the type of anatomy he would love to learn and memorize.