Stutter | A Jaspar Fanfic

22. Self Help

Trying to pluck up the courage to go up to someone and tell them hey, I need help is hard, but Joe didn't think it could be this hard. When he got home from Rosie's Diner, he decided on actually following Janice's advice and going to his friends and family for help. He didn't want to, he really didn't, but if it meant not feeling this empty hole in his chest he's been feeling for a while, he'll do it. The problem was, is that it isn't that easy. You can't just go up to your parents and say you need someone to help you, somebody to talk to you. You can't just go up to somebody and apologize for a fight. It may seem like such a simple action for most people, but to Joe, it was the hardest thing in the human existence.

He was used to ignoring problems until they went away; bottling them up inside and dealing with them on his own. He dealt with problems on his own, that's how he's lived his whole life, but now, it seems like he can't and it's causing him to freak out.

That night he tried to call up Caspar, only to remember that he's probably sleeping or has a doctor or nurse in his room to check up on his leg to make sure it's okay. He sighed before calling Oli, who answered after three dials.

"Hey buddy," Oli said when he picked up. "How ya doing?"

"I'm cool, I guess," Joe said, fingering at a hole in his bedsheets. "How are you?"

"Good, thanks for asking mate. Why'd you call me?" Oli asked.

Joe hesitated, feeling his anxiety level spike up. The words he needed to say we're just on the tip of his tongue, but it seemed like they were refusing to come out. He stayed like that for a moment, staring at his bedsheets as his mind had a should I tell him, or should I not tell him war.

"You there, Joe?"

The brunet cleared his throat and nodded, only to remember that he was talking to the other male over the phone.

"Yeah mate, I'm here. I just need to um...ask something."

"Well what do you need?" Oli asked. He was met with more silence, Joe trying his best to form the words he wanted to say. "Mate, are you okay?"

"I'm good," Joe replied, laughing nervously. He was letting his fingers just finger at the sheets, his heart thumping fast. I don't want to seem like a burden...what if I talk about myself too much? I don't want that to happen...

"You don't sound good. Did something happen with...um...either of the boys?" He meant Will and Caspar, he knew he did. Oli was just trying to be cautious. Joe knew he wasn't being pitiful, he just wanted his friend to feel comfortable in the only way he knew how to.

"No," Joe swallowed and plucked up the courage to at least mention Rosie's Diner. "I went to Rosie's Diner."

There was a moment of Oli racking his mind for something to say before he respond. "Oh, okay. Um, why'd you call me to tell me that? You know I'll help you the best I can and you can tell me everything."

"I spoke to this woman named Janice,"

"Cool..."

"I talked to her about Will and my family," Joe finally got out, chewing on his bottom lip nervously. I hate talking about this I want this to all just disappear I want to be normal again.

"Oh," Oli said, sounding surprised. "About Will and your family. What'd she say?"

"She told me to-" Joe cut himself off, bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping the hand that wasn't holding the phone around them, resting his chin on the kneecap. "To um-"

"Take your time Joe, it's probably hard to talk about this stuff."

The brunet sighed and shut his eyes, his breathing suddenly uneven as he respond. "She told me to get help."

"So you call me to ask for help?"

"Yeah," Joe rubbed at his eyes. "I don't know how to tell my family I need it or go up to Will and apologize."

"I'm sure Will will be easier than the family," Oli replied. "But still hard at the same time. I say all the time you need because your mental health is more important than anything. If you want, I could be there when you speak."

"I could just text him," Joe whispered. "It'd be easier not to see his face."

"If you're going to do it over phone at least call him. You don't get as much information over text." Oli took a beat before going on. "Will told me what he said and I don't really agree with it...I think you should date Caspar if you wish to. He may be trying to help, but he did it in the wrong way. It's not his business who you date. I just wanted to tell you that."

Joe smiled softly. "Thank you, Oli. It just feels like my whole life got flipped, turned upside down."

"Did you just make a Fresh Prince of Bel Air reference in the middle of a serious conversation?"

Joe stayed silent.

"You know you're really special, right Joe?"

Joe smiled. "I'm not that special."

"You're also really strong...if I got into even a little argument with you or Will I wouldn't be able to handle it like you are."

"Thanks Oli. You're a really good friend."

"Well you're like my brother," Oli said. "Brothers always have to have each other's back."

"Yeah," Joe said.

That sat in silence for a moment before Joe started speaking him again, this time in a soft whisper.

"I'm scared, Oli. I'm not going to lie. I don't like the idea of opening up to people and telling them personal things..." Joe whispered, wiping at his eyes again. "I don't like troubling people with my issues. I don't like troubles being caused because of me. I just want it to go back to the way it was before the shooting, I really do."

"You aren't being some sort of burden or liability if that's what you're hinting at, Joe Sugg. You're just going through something really terrible; something you don't deserve. Something no one deserves. You admitting to me that you need help was a big step I'm sure, and I'm really proud of you. You have to start somewhere to end up someplace nice."

Joe grabbed one of his pillows and hugged it to his chest. "I really don't know what to say, Oli. Thank you."

"No problem buddy. Just remember I'll be there for you every step of the way. Caspar too, I'm sure."

$$$

Oli is the sweetest person alive?? Should be a jaspar fic. Also idk if beauty/Pyscho is very good because I just feel like no many people like it but ima write it anyways lolz.

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