Stutter | A Jaspar Fanfic

18. Goner

Joe felt like he was dying. That was the simple way to put it. The whole drive home Joe felt like he was about to shatter like glass from just turning a left turn. The whole ride was blur because of the throats that seemed to whirl through his mind like a hurricane; destroying and wrecking everything in its path. Normally, in these situations, he would turn the music on his radio up to the loudest volume to block his negative thoughts out of his head. All he could do was sit in silence, letting the violence eat away at him.

I've never felt this way before, why did it have to come so quickly? It feels as if somebody hit me with a truck.

Once he got home and ran up to his shower and stripped himself of his clothes, breathing in the steam from the hot water running and feeling his lungs open up to him. He stepped underneath it and let the water hit his head, his hair coming down to fall into his face.

Joe flipped his bangs away from his eyes and sat down on the tile, opening up his legs and looking at his thighs. There were little tiny white scars on them that caused him to shut his legs and hug his legs to his chest and sigh, eyes peaking down at his toes.

I'm so fucked up. He doesn't deserve me. I yelled at him and even then when I was too busy crying over Jackson, he went and got himself shot.

Joe laid down on the tile, ignoring the harsh cold that spread through his back and looking up at the ceiling and sighing.

I love you...

Joe felt his eyes blur for the second time that day.

I love you. So much. I can't believe a person like you came into my life. I'm so cold and distant from you when it comes to my feelings. I rejected you. I screamed at you to get out of my car, told you that I didn't like you. And yet, you go and fight someone for me. You're so loyal and kind and strong and you deserve someone who can hold you without questioning themselves. You deserve someone who doesn't have any demons, someone who will make your dark skies light and your depression happiness.

Joe clamped a hand over his mouth, feeling a whimper escape from his lips.

I'm not that person.

$$$

"Joe?" Zoe knocked on her brothers door, sliding her hand into her pocket. It was dinner time, and he's been in his room all day. He was so quiet, not even the bass of his music travelling downstairs like it normally does. It was as if he wasn't even alive. "Joe, it's time for dinner."

She stood still and pressed her ear up to the door, only hearing the small vibrations coming from the air conditioner. She pulled away and twisted the door knob before pushing it open.

Joe always locks his door, Zoe thought to herself, scratching her head. It's like the number one rule of his weird living conditions.

She stepped into his room, eyes scanning over everything. His phone wasn't there, and there were dirty clothes all over the floor. Zoe bit her lip before turning away and walking to his bathroom, knocking on it.

"Joe?" She called out to the door, leaning forward and pressing her ear to it just like she did before. She could hear the soft patter of the water falling from the shower and onto the floor.

"Yeah?" He called back, making Zoe's thumping heart calm down.

"Can you please come out? It's dinner time. Mom made your favorite pasta." Zoe tried to sound enthusiastic but it just came out weak.