Stutter | A Jaspar Fanfic

24. What You Said That Night

Admitting that something is wrong with you is hard. Having to speak to someone and tell them what your problems are is harder. It's something that Joe was currently going through, only to wimp out whenever he had the chance to say something. He decided fixing his problem with Will would be easier than facing his parents and telling them; hey! I actually do need help, who would've thought?

It ended up being way harder, though, because the world seems to never be on his side of things.

He's tried multiple attempts to even say hello to Will, only to have his vocal cords fail him. Joe tried when he passed him in the hall. He tried to call him up, only to press his home button and throw his phone away from him so he could feel embarrassed and stupid for even attempting it.

Caspar's been texting him again, and even if Joe smiles, laughs....he can't handle it. Even distracted, the crushing weight he carried seemed to never leave. He truly felt helpless, and he wanted it to end.

Joe was falling down into an endless hole of depression, and he couldn't find a way to stop it.

$$$

"Have you spoken to Will yet?" Oli asked during lunch, on Monday.

Joe took a swig of his water and placed it down on the table they were sitting at, glaring down at it. "No," he replied.

"Okay." Oli said, nodding his head and then crossing his arms on the table; reaching behind his neck and rubbing it. "Are you um...ever going to speak to him soon?"

Oli didn't want to push at his friend, but he still wanted to know. If Joe didn't want to speak about it after this then he would stop, but if he needed help, Oli would do his best. He hated to see people, especially friends, go through something terrible.

"I want to, but I don't know what to say." Joe tore off a piece of his bagel and shoved it into his mouth. "I'll try and do it today, after school."

"Promise?" Oli tries to say. 

"Did you watch the Superbowl halftime? Beyonce killed it."

Oli doesn't exactly know how to respond to that. 

$$$

It's only two days after that conversation when Joe decides to stop being such a coward and speak to Will. He's walking on his way out of school, AP Euro quiz clutched in his hand, and from where's hes standing; can see Will on the floor, staring down at his phone. Joe's heart race rises, and he starts to debate whether or not he should approach him. As he continues walking Will's way; he slows his pace down and starts to figure out what he's going to say.

He could always just do a casual way, and approach with a 'Hey, Will!' or just sit directly across from him and stare until Will walks over to tell him to piss off. He decided to just wing it, and as he slowed to a stop where Will was sitting. For a moment, Will didn't notice, and Joe was about to wimp out and turn tail. He didn't, though. Instead, he bit his bottom lip nervously and kicked the side of Will's leg softly. 

Will looked up with a glare, before he realized it was Joe. His wrist went limp and he let his phone rest in his lap. 

"Joe?"

"Who else would I be, Lady Gaga?" Joe tried to joke, only for it to sound empty.

Will smiled halfheartedly. "I haven't spoken to you since that night on the phone."

"Well you did say some things I didn't like," the brunet said, heart starting to speed up and he hesitated before going on. "Which is what I wanted to talk about." He stayed still for a moment before sitting down beside his friend, crossing his legs underneath each other. 

"What do you want to talk about?" 

"You hurt me when you said that stuff," Joe started, refusing to let his eyes meet Will's. "When you mentioned Jackson, and basically tried to tell me what I can and can not do. It fucked me up, Will, you can't just do shit like that."

"I didn't tell you what to do-"

"You told me I'm not in love and he should be the second thing on my mind. You basically called me a whore!" Joe exclaimed, looking up to see Will with his head now tilted back, jaw clenched. 

"I didn't mean to sound like I was calling you a whore, Joe. I just meant to say that you don't have the right point of view on what love is. I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm just trying to give you some advice." Will paused for a moment and waited for Joe to butt in, only to look over and see him glaring at the ground; fingers fiddling with the paws of his jacket. "Caspar really shouldn't be your top priority right now. Dating him isn't going to make all your problems go away, it isn't just going to make you all happy. You didn't tell anybody since you were fifteen fucking years old. You've been running away from it for too long."

"What do you mean about the love thing, though?" Joe asked quietly, his voice smaller than it was before. 

"I'm not saying Caspar is Jackson. I'm just saying you should at least get over your problems before you get all close and lovey-dovey with Caspar. It's also very rash; you two haven't even known each other for more than three months. I don't want to see you get hurt."

Joe sighed deeply and was now tilting his head back like Will's, staring up at the ceiling. "I want it to go back to normal, and I keep telling myself that. I want it to go back before the whole Travis thing. If I never wore those stupid flowered jeans to school, none of this would have happened."

"You don't wish you never met Caspar?"

"Of course not," Joe said. "Caspar is probably the best thing to come out of this. He makes me feel, unlike everyone else, like I'm still Joe. I'm still the guy he met in the woods wearing duckie pajamas. I'm not some boy who got used sexually against his will, without knowing it. I may be a normal person to him, but at the same time; I'm much more. To me, he's the same way. We both mean a lot to each other, even if we can't fully wrap our heads around it. He told me that saying 'no' is okay. I told him his past doesn't matter, and if it's a couple of simple sentences to you, it's the world to us. In ways you don't understand."

Will stayed silent for a minute before he looked over at his friend.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"I still think you should get help."

"It's okay."

$$$

hello yes i lied i have not finished doab yet and im uploading stutter? gasps everyone probably forgot this story but ITS ALMOST FINISHED its gonna be 31 chapters and an epilogue and ive already written up to chapter 26 and am currently on chapter 27. basically im going to try to upload everyday and finish it this week. 

i hope you enjoyed!

byeee