struggling➾ phan (complete)

2

the sun was burning into my back when I woke up. i was sweaty and my bed sheets were drenched. i opened my eyes, wiping the stickiness away.

i checked the time and saw it was already 1pm and i could hear the chatter and clinking of plates coming from downstairs. i stood up, put on some grey sweats and a plain white sweater, and headed downstairs. phil, pj, and chris were all eating noodles. it was obvious phil had just woken up. he had messy hair and his cheeks were pink. his eyes were droopy, but nonetheless, mesmerizing. i don't understand how someone could look so breathtaking.

i dragged my eyes away, afraid he would catch me staring, and proceeded to pour myself a cup of coffee. the smell of coffee always sort of stops my stomach from being hungry, so i always have it in the morning.

i sat down at the table away from the other chairs they were sitting in. i'm glad they haven't found out about my eating habits. the last thing i want to do is be forced to eat.

"hi guys" i greeted them. nobody greeted me in return. i smiled awkwardly and continued on. i grabbed the packets of sweetener that were sat on the table, i made sure to add no milk and 3 packs of the sweetener. that makes zero calories so far. i was happy with that. I took a seat next to phil, taking large sips of the coffee, while listening in on their conversation.

"did you know there's at least 50,000 spiders in each acre of a green area?" phil said, anticipation glowing in his eyes. i loved that about phil. he was always so random and his animal facts always put a smile on my face. 

chris laughed "interesting"

pj added "that's disgusting!" he shivered, nearly spilling his coffee.

"we should all go to the movies today" phil suggested, interrupting the laughing fit everyone was having. i felt my heart drop, maybe he didnt want me to go, maybe he was going to leave me alone in the flat, but my heart flipped when i saw him glance over at me, a crooked smile on his face. he raised his eyebrows, expecting an answer, and i nodded, smiling widely.

they all nodded in agreement and made our way to the movies. we haven't decided which one we would see yet but i had one in mind already. i wanted to see a horror movie mostly. i know phil wouldn't want to but I'll convince him somehow.

we got to the cinema and all had out votes for what we wanted to see. phil wanted to see a comedy, and pj and chris agreed with me on the horror, so we bought tickets to that. phil didn't agree, and he pouted the whole way. 

"phil, it's okay, you'll be fine" i laughed at the way his bottom lip stuck out. he nodded, and reached for my hand, lacing our fingers together. i looked up at him, flustered. his cheeks were a bright shade of pink. i felt my face heat up instantly and my heart dropped in excitement. i laced my fingers into his. the different shades of our skin made me laugh, and i couldn't help but look down at our hands every now and then as a reminder that phil was actually trying to rebuild our friendship.

we were sat in the cinema, waiting for the movie to start, but during the wait i couldn't help but notice the way phil kept gazing down at my hand, with a look of eagerness in his eyes. i blushed, but i didn't mind. pj and chris were sat next to us, their hands intertwined, pj's head resting on chris's shoulder. i couldn't help but laugh at phil every time there was a jump scare. he'd bring his legs up and curl into a ball. i watched him more than i watched the screen which i hated but he was just too cute to not look at. 

the movie was over now, and I lasted the whole thing without popcorn, i had bought a water bottle, luckily. it was late now, around 5 pm and i haven't eaten anything, i'm so happy about that. i had a deep feeling of pride in myself, it made me feel like i finally did something right for once, but i know its wrong and i feel guilty knowing that i'm hiding this from everyone, but i cant help it.