struggling➾ phan (complete)

14

i am not okay, and i think phil knows that. he knows that im trying my best to pretend to be okay for him. i don't know how he found out but im terrified. confronting my problems isn't a thing i was fond of doing, it scared me to know that i have to see their face first hand and live with that for the rest of my life.

i rubbed my head, in hopes of getting rid of the migraine that was beginning to form, it didn't work though.

phil wasn't up here with me so he was most likely downstairs watching his cooking shows. i walked down, attempting to be as discrete as possible, because i know phil would want to talk about how i was and if i was eating. and i did not want to answer that.

i failed at being quiet, and i tripped over my oversized shoes that were at the end of the stairs.

i pretended not to care though and I went on to the couch trying to avoid the topic of food.

we stayed quiet for a good amount of time until the question eventually came up.

"have you been eating dan, please this is worrying" he turned down the tv to the point where it was annoyingly playing in the background of our conversation.

i sighed, "yes"

he looked at me with disbelief and pity, but it's not like i haven't seen that face come from him before.

he shifted his body to my direction a bit more, which made me nervous because phil doesn't do that unless he's preparing for a talk. his talks are terrifying.

"you're sickly thin"

"you've got it wrong phil, i'm okay" i tried to change his perspective, but i knew he wouldn't budge.

"please dan, just eat something" he begged me, reaching for my cold hands.

"like what"

he stood up, shuffling through the cupboard for the smallest things possible. he pulled out a small pastry after a few seconds. it was much like a mince pie but without the filling.

from what i know, it doesn't have many calories, so i'm okay with eating at least one. one wouldn't hurt right?

i hesitated, letting it hover in front of my parted lips. i couldn't put it in, i can't bring myself to eat it. but if I didn't, i would be sent back to the hospital, and that's worse than just eating one little pie.

i pulled it together, and shoved it in my mouth. i chewed quickly, trying to make the food disappear as fast as possible. the texture was horrific.

his smile satisfied me, and it filled me with determination (a/n hey undertale fandom ;) ) to keep trying, and to keep eating but i knew it wouldn't be easy. thinking about how happy it would make phil, and how much better it would make me feel if i were to keep eating, made me want to try again, and drop this disorder once and for all but i knew it wouldn't be easy. but i'm ready.

A/N
Wtf omg .28k more in a few days tysm ♥

Also enjoy this picture of a lil pup named hedwig :)

-L