struggling➾ phan (complete)

15

i woke up today feeling good about myself for once. i felt good from eating yesterday, i felt powerful and energetic, a feeling i've gotten used to forgetting. i love feeling this way, and i was actually hungry. i usually wake up and have no appetite, but i felt really hungry. even though it was a really small snack, it made me feel good that i was strong enough to force myself to eat, it gave me hope.

i smiled, and stood up to make myself some food. phil was already down there though, with two bowls of cereal. i'm guessing one was for me so i grabbed it gladly and sat next to him on the tall stools.

i tried making small talk, asking him how he's been. he says he's been good and that he's happy to be back in the house. supposedly he missed me but i know that's complete bullshit.

we finished eating when he told me he needed to go somewhere, he said he wanted to give me a surprise. my stomach dropped at the thought of him bringing back food. i would appreciate it, nonetheless, but i don't think i've come far enough to eat too much, yet.

i said goodbye to him and sat on the couch, forcing myself to eat the cereal, and watched him leave.

it didn't take him that long before he came back home and when he walked in, i was shocked to see a huge fluffy dog in his hands.

i stood up, and walked over to touch it. it was a baby german shepard, it was brown with soft black spots on his back. i looked up at phil with disbelief on my face. he knew i always wanted a dog.

"thank you" i wrapped my arms around his neck tightly. i couldn't thank him enough for this.

"his name is dots"

i laughed at the cheesy name he chose and picked him up from phils arms.

"dan i need to talk to you before you get all caught up in dots"

i nodded, and sat on the couch again with dots while phil followed.

"i need you to do something for me. before i do anything for you"

he continued "i need you to love yourself before i get to chance to love you. i so badly want to love you but i can't. please try dan. i don't want to force myself into your life before you're completely happy with yourself first." 

"ill try for you"

A/N

I h8 when people point out my mistakes in the book it makes me feel bad