Walking Through the Time Capsule

Chapter 33

Walking Through the Time Capsule

Chapter 33

*

*

Annabelle...

It'd been over a month since I had that weird dream memory, making tomorrow Valentine's day. I was kinda looking forward to it actually. I had been internally distraught since I figured out the news that there is, or was, a mystery boyfriend in the picture. I tried to push it to the back of my mind, so I didn't seem unusual, but I'm pretty sure everyone could tell there was something off. I was hoping that all the lovey couple stuff about Valentine's day sparked something inside of me. It was a far stretch since it's just a normal day that people in relationships like to use as an excuse to be all mushy, but who knows. 

I'd been paying special attention to how I felt around Niall. I didn't notice it before, because I was just happy to have him back as my friend, but there was something there for sure. I wouldn't be too quick to call it a crush, let alone love, but there was something definitely different. I mean, it could very well have been that he was of more importance in my past compared to anyone else here. Maybe that's all it was. I just loved him so much like the stupid little boy he is and was. That's all...I think. 

It was just so hard to convince myself otherwise when all I felt when I looked at him was this unbelievable bubbly feeling. Believe me, the thought of if he was this supposed boyfriend had crossed my mind, but I would shut it down right away. He wouldn't date me. I was just his best friend. The thirteen year old girl he left behind. Sure, I didn't remember what occurred when he came back, but that didn't matter. He treated me like a normal friend would. He held all the traits of what a best friend is. I almost slipped and asked him a few times, especially when we were alone and in a nice moment, but I was smarter than to ruin it with my stupidity. 

I just wish I never forgot to begin with. I wished I didn't have to deal with this, and that it never happened. But then again, there was a lot of things on that wish list that I couldn't change. I wish he never left, I wish my mom didn't leave me with a soon to be abusive father. I wish I didn't look like a weak target to hormonal boys...I wish I wasn't raped. What a horrible memory to have for a first time. Or at all.

I was so sick of it. The painful hurt thumping in my heart. The missing pieces. The longing I felt for something unknown to me. The migraines I got for thinking too hard about things that weren't there anymore. I couldn't take it. It was moments like this when I was alone, sitting on the edge of the pool, and had nothing to do but think. I also hated how I always learned something new, but then would draw a blank for a long period of time. Nothing else had burst through my memory since last month. Melanie would tell me I was more than halfway there though. I just needed to remember what happened to me all through senior year, when Niall returned. These were the moments that I felt the pain I hid behind a smile. I  wasn't faking my happiness around everyone necessarily, but it still hurt being in this position.

I stared at my reflection in the water, and let the ripples my moving feet created, calm me down. It brought me back to all the times I would sit in our spot in the woods, and stare out at the lake, just thinking. I had a sense of peace there that always left me feeling okay. Aside from the beach down the street, the pool gave me a small piece of that feeling, without having to walk anywhere. Maybe it's the way it was designed, with rocks, trees, and grass around the edges, that gave it that forrest vibe. 

I must've jinxed myself because I could feel a headache coming on. Great. Just what I needed right-

"Ah, Annabean. There you are."