When you Awoke{Romanogers}

Ch 80

A\N: taking off from last chapter
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So Natasha tells him. Why she left, the reasons behind it, everything.
"You probably hate me," she whispered.
Steve pressed a chaste kiss on her cheek. "No Tasha, they can't force you to do that. I love you no matter what."
Recovering quickly, she gives him a flirty smile, looking over her shoulder at him. "Tell me."
He comes up behind her, whispering in her ear. "I'll show you. When I close my eyes, you're all I see. You're what I taste and feel. You're in every part of me." she hums her appreciation, leaning into his embrace. "I want to draw you, put all your perfections to paper so I'll never forget it. I want to keep you forever Natasha, just you and me. No SHIELD, no Avengers, just us."
Forever. The fantasy grows and she eagerly lets it fester.
They have their picnic, and it's perfect. Private and secluded. Afterward, she dances for him, a light simple routine she learned before the Red Room. She's  twirling and spinning and leaping across the roof, fluid and free as a bird. Steve watched, enamored with her, the moonlight bathing him in a beauty all his own. She dances like she hasn't in years, like she did before the Red Room. She loses herself to it, loses herself to him because suddenly he is the only audience who ever mattered. And when she's done, he lays her on the blanket with so much gratitude and awe for her. For what she can do. And Steve realized, he should have loved this woman a long time ago.
~X~
He goes out on a quick mission. She stays behind for safety. Natasha still feels light and airy, at home in this small apartment with his drawings everywhere. As promised, he added pictures of her now, rough sketches of her staring at the skyline, while she's laughing or sleeping, the long lines of her body shaped perfectly. Her smile. Her body. Her eyes. That adoration, that reverence, is so clear in them. It's almost as if he photographed her and it came to life. They are more meaningful and special then any other thing she has ever gotten.
So she looks them over, wearing only one of his shirts, leafing through the papers on his work desk. She glances through the bookcase to its left, which is filled with novels and nonfiction alike. On the lower right there's a small velvet box. It's dusty, buried under some old papers and newspaper clippings. Maybe it's not right to be snooping. She knows him, and he knows her, in some ways more intimately than any truths could tell, and she loves him for it. Still, there are some secrets. Unspoken boundaries that have not yet been explored or explained.
She takes the box anyway, because she is who she is. Opening it slowly, the dusty box reveals a bright, though small, diamond ring. It's brilliantly crafted, the edges clear and pristine. Natasha could she her reflection in it, as well as the reflection of Steve behind her.
He's staring at her, shield on the floor and bearing one hand with a pizza box in it.
"You were going to propose?" she asks softly. She's not sure if she feels angry or betrayed or if she even has the right to feel either. She knows she feels incredibly sorrowful, knowing that she hasn't told him that thing.
He stares for a moment, surprised and dazed, and then sets things down. "Does it matter?"
It shouldn't. She knows that. Those unspoken boundaries. They're there for a reason, and they've both been comfortable with them. Those boundary are blurring though, and the truth she is holding needs to come out. "Steve....I...I can't."
"Can't what?" he responds. Steve crosses the room and takes the box away from her, closing it gently. He puts it back in its dusty corner. She reached out for him. "I..I can't marry you Steve. You wouldn't have the life you want, the life you deserve. You're a hero, and you deserve someone who can give you that life."
Even if I was, I'm not anymore." There's something in his voice she can't read. These last days, she's always been able to figure him out. His open eyes. His heart on his sleeve. His feelings in his voice and his respect for her in his hands. Reverence. Now he's like a book that's been slammed shut. "This wasn't about our pasts, and it never will."
"No, but-"
"Why are you here Nat?" Steve finally asks. Since the picnic, he hadn't asked anymore. "Was that all a lie? Everything you told me?"
Natasha hung her head down. She can't lie, not now. Not when he put his heart on the line to get rejected by her. What has she done? The masks she wears and the people she's killed. What good has she done?

Nothing like this.
Steve's voice softens. "What are you running from?"
She can't lie. "Myself." It's clear he doesn't understand. She turns away, folding her arms across herself because suddenly, his apartment becomes cold and barren. "Tonight, I'm supposed to fly off to Russia, to finish what the Red Room started. A war over me. When I was young, I was taken from my parents to train to be a assassin. Ivan was my teacher, and he was harsh and cruel." she paused, closing her eyes and hearing the shouts and orders Ivan yelled at her. "As I grew older, my competition started to dwindle. I was beating them off one by one, and I enjoyed it. I was a killer Steve, and to congratulate me, they held me a graduation ceremony. They-" she paused, swallowing a sob. "They sterilized me, and I was taught to never love. Now SHIELD wanted me to go back to Russia to confront them, but I couldn't. Now I know Ivan is here to get me, so I can't go back."
After a silent moment, Steve softly said. "You could have come to me to help you."
Natasha whipped her head up to stare at him, angry tears brimming at the edges of her eyes. "Don't you get it? I did! I came to you for support and what I got was someone to love! I love you Steve Rogers! But I can't marry you!" Natasha collapsed onto the ground, the tears flowing out freely now.
He comes closer, and bending down in front of her, his breath is like a gust against the crown of her head, and he grips both her shoulders in his huge hands. He turns her to face him. "You are not a weapon, and you are not a killer. Maybe I still don't know everything about the world you left behind, the life you live. Maybe we're not the same. I know that. But I see you. I see Natasha, the woman I fell in love with."
"I won't go," she whispered. I can't now.
"Then don't. Stay with me. I'll protect you." He swiped a tear away from her cheek, and Natasha smiled sadly at him.
"I'll stay," she cries, kissing him passionately. "I'll stay!"
~X~
Nothing lasts forever.
Later, as they lay close together in bed, sweat-slicked, and content, tangled in the sheets and in each other and lazing in that place between pleasured sleep and unbothered awareness, a knock sounded on the door.
Natasha sat up immediately. "They found me."
Steve sat up next, a worried look in his eyes. "SHIELD?"
Natasha shook her head and jumped out of the bed, quickly putting on her catsuit.
Brow furrowed in confusion, he too gets in his suit and grabs the shield, crossing quickly to the door.
Ivan and his goons barge in, knocking Steve back and aimed their guns at him.
Natasha hid behind a wall, holding her breath and hoping they can't hear her.
"Pet," Natasha flinches at the old name," please come out. We only want to take you home." She recognized the voice anywhere. Ivan is here.
His anger is palpable. "If you don't get out here, your little 'fling' is dead."
She had no choice, she couldn't let Steve die. And so Natasha stepped out, Steve's eyes watching her sadly.
She looks Ivan straight in the eyes. "I don't want it anymore. The torture, the pain. I'll go with you for Steve's sake, and my own."
"After all the sweat and days I put into you, you think you can just stop learning? You are my greatest achievement! You will not be so easily let go!" Ivan shot back at her, and she almost flinched again.
For his own part, Steve leans back onto a wall, a small stripe of blood dipping down his face. "Natasha you must go with him please. I'll be fine, but you won't.  Please, I'll find you again one day."
She turns to Steve. She can see it in his eyes before he can say anything else. She's not going to let him stay anything! "No," she gasps, and she rushes into his arms, hugging him. "No, it's not true. You're not just expendable-"
"I know."
"I'm not going! I'm not leaving you!"
"But you must," he whispers.
"You told me to stay!"
"I was being selfish Natasha."
"No Steve no! You're the most selfless person I have ever met-"
His fingers sweep down her face gently, wiping away the stray tears that fell. Again she saw the reverence. "I wanted to keep your fire and your beauty and all your perfections to myself. You flew into my life, made me remember what it is truly like to love someone, and I thought it was okay to have to, to keep you safe. But it's not, isn't it?" She wants to argue, to scream, but her voice just cracks with sadness.
"I...I love you"
Steve tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, and she leans into his touch for the last time. Natasha placed a kiss on his lips before breaking away and going with Ivan.
But Steve grabs her arm, and out of his pocket his takes out the velvet box.
"I want you to have this Natasha, hoping that you'll remember me."
She takes it and stores it away before Ivan sees it.
~X~
  Natasha stared at the beautiful diamond ring Steve gave to her all those years ago and even now, she knows that someday, Steve will find her.
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A/N: so umm, kinda awkward for me to end it like this, I mean, you guys could always tell me to write an ending for these two chapters if you guys want me too.

    Happy Reading!
       ~Forever RedWind