Confidant & Playlist

20. The Hospital

  "I...I thought I was gone," she says opening her eyes slowly, only half way.

"No baby, they revived you in the ambulance on the way over," I say holding her left hand firmly in my right. "You're gonna be alright." She closes her eyes and shakes her head.

"Bruno, you have to know that I won't be." she squeezes my hand weakly. "You'll have to be without me soon."

"Lace, baby, what are you talking you're gonna be fine. You're gonna be alright." My voice falter; I get closer to her.

"B, I love you, you know that. You proposed to me."

"Yes, I know. I love you Lace. You're my fiance--my wife---you---you can't get leave me." I feel a tear escape and roll down my cheek.

"Hey," she says softly reaching her shaking right hand. "Hey, its ok. I don't want you to cry." She wipes the tear from my cheek. "Listen, there's something I want you to do for me."

"Yes?"

"Sing Mountains," she says before a pause that is followed buy the sound of the ventilator.

"I," I is all I manage to stammer back.  

  "Tell me about the nice bed we're going to sleep in, the house with all the windows where we're going live in together, tell me about the kids..." she seems to want to continue but tears have begun to fall from her eyes and her voice is becoming more and more congested with suppressed cries. I sing the first verse to her and she joins me softly.

"And we'll climb mountain, climb mountains together," she sings softly. I begin to sing the second verse but by the time I reach the chorus her voice has gotten significantly lower, I lean in to hear her more clearly. Her eyes close and panic rises in me. 

"Lace?" I ask as my heart rams against my ribcage. 

"Promise me," she starts. 

"Anything."

"Promise you won't cry for me anymore, ok?" she whispers. 

My eyes throb and I feel them threatening to spring tears from the sockets. I lean down and kiss her. I know what may come but I deny it with all my might and step back. I see her peaks and valleys become a constant plateau and I yell at the top of my lungs. Everything moves in slow motions, nurses race in and grab at me pulling me away from her but I fight them off until two large male nurses are able to drag me out. All I can see before the doors close are the medical personnel around her.I shake the nurses off and look toward where we just came from. They stand close with their arms prepped if I should try to run into the room. Doctors buzz around Lace like bees, moving a million miles a minute. I can't take my eyes from the doors. I try and catch my breath it seems as thought each breath is stolen and smuggled out if my lungs.

______  

 "I'm sorry Mr. Mars," the nurse says running his hand up through his hair with a frustrated look on his face. "We did what we could but there was not much we could do. The stage that she had reached was irreversible. The spread was too wide for us to remove with even extensive surgery. Even if we had tried surgery she wouldn't have been strong enouth to sustain it."

"You should have tried, you should have tried to save her!"

"We did what we could. I'm sorry."

"I want to see her," I say. 

"Mr. Mars," the nurse attempts to reason. 

"I want to see her," I repeat. He nods, turns and motions me to follow. 

We enter the room and Lacey is laid out on a gurney in a plain hospital gown. The shirt of mine she was wearing and the joggers I pull on her just before we left the house are neatly folded on a table near by. I walk in and I hear the door close behind me. Her jet black hair pools on the white pillow beneath her head and her arms lay limply at her sides. I reach for her cheek and my hands shake but when I do reach her she's still warm. I wrap my arms around her; hot tears stain my cheeks and cries tear from my lips. I hear the door open again but I don't bother to look. Moments later I feel a hand on my shoulder. 

"Bruno, we should go," Phil says softly. 

"I'm not leaving her here," I say defiantly. 

"They will look after her. We can come and get her in the morning." 

I'm not leaving her here," I say.
"Bruno," Phil says with pain laden in his voice. "Look at me." After a few moments I set Lacey down and turn my eyes to him.
"Lacey, she's gone." With that a new wave of cries begins with it's own set of tears. Phil puts his arms around me and walks me to the door.
"We'll be back for her tomorrow. Please keep her here over night."
"We will," the nurse replies.