Confidant & Playlist

14. His Goddess

May 2013

"Alright D, make sure they eat at a decent time and make sure you hold on to Bia when she's not in the stroller, she wanders off." I say handing Delancy Bia's bag."

"Lacey don't worry I've got them." she assures me.

"Ok," I say. I turn to Bia and kiss her forehead. "I love you mummas." She smiles with wide eyes. I hand her off to Delancy but as soon as I do she begins one of her usual screaming fits. "Oh mummas," I coo taking her back from D; I bounce and sway with her until she calms down. "You'll be alright." I give her Eskimo kisses and she giggles then I hand her back to D. I squat down in front of Angel. "I love you baby," I say.

"Love you mommy." he puts his tiny arms around my neck and I snuggle him for a moment; he pulls me in for a kiss then steps back.

"You're go be good to Tiadeli for me right?" He nods and then turns to take Delancy's hand. The three of them wave goodbye and I watch until they get to the elevator at the end of the hall. I walk back inside, then in my room. I break down the crib and put in away in the closet before I fall on my bed. I let my hair down and close my eyes. Angel and Bia; I love them both but they make me so tired with their boundless energy. Thank God for Delancy taking them for the day, I couldn't ask for a better bestfriend or big sister. Angel looks more like him everyday and Bia acts more like him. Her little personality is already beginning to show and she's so young. They're so much like Bruno...it almost makes me miss him less but truthfully that's not possible. When I'm alone and I think of him, it's like there's a part of me missing. There's a knock at my door.

"You forgot something already?!" I call laughing. I pad over the door and start to open it. "What did you forget?" I say, looking down to adjust my tank. I look up and my eyebrows furrow immediately. Bruno stands in front of me. My heartrate picks up and I prepare to rejected him once more. It's been nearly a year and a half since I've had to do this...and honestly, I was hoping I wouldn't have to hurt him again but its for his own good right...? After all this time I still love him. Only him. One good look at his face changes everything, the words I hastily prepared disappear. His tanned, ovular face gives off a faint red color, his waterlines as well as the whites of his warm brown eyes share the same hue. His lashes are coated tears that flows freely from his eyes. He is chest fallen, his shoulders slump and his breathing is in irregular pattern like he's been crying. Two quick inhales, one exhale. My chest begins to ache. I step aside and he walks in. He walks over the couch but doesn't sit down. I stand beside him and put my hand on his shoulder. "Bruno, what happened? What is it?"

"My mom," he says, his voice shaking. A wave of fresh tears begin to fall.

"Is she in the hospital? Is she alright?" He shakes his head and sits on the arm of the couch. His head falls and tears drop creating dark flecks on his light blue jeans. I resist the urge to wipe them away. "What happened to her?" He takes a deep breath and looks up at me. He closes his arms around my waist and pulls me closer; as much as I try to force myself I don't look away.

"She's gone Lace, she's gone." He presses his face into my stomach and begins shaking. The force of his sobs nearly knocks me over. I stroke his hair. The sobbing subsides for a moment and I take the opportunity to walk him to the couch. Once he's seated, I make him a cup of tea and bring it over to the coffee table where he is sitting wringing his hands with his head down. I present the tea to him and he takes is with both hands. I sit down beside him. He blows off some steam, takes a sip and then returns the mug to the coffee table. "They said she had an aneurysm...that we couldn't have known...if anyone was to survive something like this it would have been her...I don't understand...of all people, why her?" He puts his face in his hands; tears and sobs ensue. Finally I give in and pull him toward me. I lay down flat near the edge of the couch and he lays down beside me towards the inside of the couch. With one arm in the couch and the other around me, he takes refuge in the space between my chest and my shoulder. I feel his every off-tempo breath and every tear that falls as I hold him with one arm and stroke his hair with the other. "She was my number one cheerleader, my goddess," he murmurs. Like a child, he clings to me snuggling closer between sobs until his face is practically against my neck. He quiets down to soft even breaths.