Confidant & Playlist

21. When She Passed

"B," Phil says a while, making his voice being the first one heard since we left the hospital. I dont look at him.

"Eric's picking up your car from the hospital," he slows down as we reach a stop light.

"B," Phil insists.

"I wanna go home Phil, I just want to go home."

"Alright."

With in fifteen minutes, we arrive at me house. Before I can pull the handle to get out, Phil takes the key out of the ignition and locks the doors. I take hold of the handle to open the door but I don't pull it. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Phil looking at me.

"B, I could say here a while."

"No," I ruminate as I feel tears rushing to my eyes again. "Go home."

"I have my phone." 

He looks at me. His eyes search mine. I nod at him and step out of the car. He walks with me to the door and push his hand on my right shoulder. He says nothing but I can feel what he's conveying. He walks back to his car and drives off. I open my front door. Sitting on the couch in my living room are Jamie and Tiara. They stand immediately and walk over to me. Tiara approaches me with tears hanging from her dark lashes and wraps her arms around my, pressing my chest firmly to hers. She guides me over to the living room where Jamie has three mugs of tea on the coffee table. The three of us take a eat and choose a mug of tea. Geronimo lumbers over slowly and lies down at my feet. He nestles his face against my left legs and I give him a good rub. For a while the four of us sit in silence sipping our teas until my own voice break emerges. 

"We were lying in bed together," quote from tonight's events. 

"She asked me...proposed to me."Jamie's eyes widen but she doesn't say a word. Tiara looks on noticeably surprised. " 

 "I was planning on proposing to her--I already had the ring, I was just waiting for the right time but I guess she knew that already." I pet G once more, set my mug down and lean back into the couch. 

"We said our vows, I put the ring on her finger and just as I was about to ask her what all of it was about she fainted." I take a deep breath as my eyes grow hot and tears begin to blur my vision.

 "It was an advanced stage of lung cancer," I nearly whisper. "She never told me anything about it. I didn't even notice that she was sick."

"Was she taking medication and or receiving treatment?" Jamie searches me with her motherly dark brown eyes. 

"She was, but there was nothing that they could do. It was too far along." I clear my throat and take a long sip of tea. 

"She didn't mention it? Not once?" Tiara offers. 

"No, she didn't tell me anything. She didn't seem sick at all she was...normal. Just normal." 

I rest my elbows on my knees cover my face with my hands. Tears skate down my cheeks. Neither of my sisters say a word. I hear one of the leave for the kitchen with the mugs. The other sets a hand on my back and begins rubbing circles in the center. After a few moments, I stand and Jamie's hand falls. I take off my shoes and pad up the stairs. I head straight for my room and lie down on the bed.

For the first time in just over two years makes the one place that was always so warm and familiar is now cold and unrecognizable. The bed doesn't feel the same without her beside me.

I roll over on my left side and heat leaves my body, almost as if its expecting a change in temperature but there isn't one. Goosebumps rise on my skin and chills run up and down my spine; the kind of chills that make you cringe, like a painful muscle spasm. I turn over and lie flat on my back. Staring up at the ceiling, I try to wrap my mind around tonight's events but just as I believe I'm close to making headway, look to my right. My eyes fall on her big black headphones. The same one's she was wearing the day we met. I close my eyes and I can a can see Lacey--I can see her as her twenty-one year old self waiting for the train. Suddenly I hear a conversation of our about all those years before.