Dear You, From, Me [COMPLETED & EDITING]

October 8, 2015

Dear You,
It's the time of year again, that time when my mother died almost 7 years ago.

Honestly, I'm so upset going through this month because it's the last memories I've had with her.

It doesn't make it any better when you walk around having hope that she might come back.

I know I moved on, or at least that's what I convince myself, but it's hard to wake up everyday and get hit with the reality that, wow mom really isn't here.
It's like a constant alarm clock that goes off every morning.

People say that, wow you're so strong you can do this, well the truth is, I'm not as strong as people think.

I have moments where I cry my eyes out, especially like I have done before in the bathroom stalls at school. I've cried myself to sleep, hoping that it would erase the pain I've felt that night.

I can't even have a conversation at times when people bring up the subjects cancer or sometimes even bringing up their own moms.

I've felt the need to self harm, which I promised never ever to do again. I almost committed suicide at least twice, and the scariest time was back in eighth grade when I tighten my belt against my throat.

This is the part of me that will never change and sometimes I wish, I've never had to go through anything like this because I feel weak and miserable.
Something no human being or living thing should face.

From, Me