Acquiescence (A JohnDave Story)

Breakeven

Your name is John Egbert.

Over the last two months, you have become extremely depressed.

It's a stupid reason to be depressed, really. Despite your doctor's reassurance - anything can cause depression, nothing is a bad reason for it - you are absolutely positive that this is the most idiotic purpose for a case of depression anyone has ever heard of. So you've refused to talk to your doctor about it, or anything, really. You won't talk to anyone else outside of Pesterchum. You've been on winter break for three days, and you refuse to accept the idea that in two weeks, you'll return to school and have to face Dave and Rose and everyone else.

For now, you stay glued to your bed, wrapped up in blankets, staring into your computer, playing some sort of puzzle game, anticipating a chum to pester you. The bright lights the screen casts out dance along your glasses, giving your eyes a glowing effect. Leaning against the wall, you linger on your computer, waiting for someone, anyone, to contact you. And you shiver.

You've been impossibly cold all through winter break, and tired, too. Well, you're always tired* - but this time it's much more severe. You pile on a few more blankets, and lay your head on a pillow, making sure to keep your eyes open. You had to wait for someone to pester you. But you're so tired... you feel like...

You can't feel anything. You're much to tired to think straight**.

"Ping."

Your eyes open at the sound that radiates from your laptop, and you blink.

How long have you been sleeping? You can't remember drifting off, but isn't that usually the case with sleeping? After blinking a few more times, you check your computer - it's Jade.

GG: hi john!

GG: are you ok? you haven't been yourself lately and i'm worried. dave and rose are really worried about you, too. is anything wrong?

You let this sink in. Dave is worried about you. Or at least, that's what he's said to Jade. It's always hard to tell how Dave feels, or if he feels anything at all. But that's okay. It's one of the hundreds of reasons you love him so much. You shake your head. This isn't time to daydream about your forbidden crush. You instead focus on a reply to your step-sister.

EB: i'm okay . i think

You pause. You're going to tell her. Right here, right now. You're so tired of bottling up all of your emotions and secluding yourself from the world. Someone deserves to know.

EB: jade can you keep a secret

Her reply is almost instant.

GG: yeah sure!

Deep breaths, John.***

EB: jade i uh

EB: i really really like dave

EB: like not in the friend way

EB: y'know the way you like rose

Jade had told you at the beginning of high

school that she had a thing for Rose. But she knew Rose had a thing for Kanaya - and never said anything about it to her. Personally, you thought they would both be really cute together - but you didn't say anything, either.

Now we're even, You think to yourself. We both have important secrets to keep. You've never told her secret to a single soul - and you hope that she wouldn't either. She probably wasn't the best person to tell, she was a pretty social person. You should've told Rose. You begin to panic, almost certain that Jade would spill your secret to someone that you really didn't want to know it.

"Ping."

GG: haha, i think we all knew that, but i'm glad you could confirm it!

You send a few more messages to her - and earn back zero replies.

Defeated, you set down your laptop. She's going to tell someone, who will tell someone else, and eventually the information will reach Dave and he won't want to be your friend anymore and you'll be stuck with no friends and -

Tears sting the corners of your eyes. Why are you crying? This is such a dumb reason to cry, stop it, you idiot. No, stop it!

But you can't. You've had multiple emotional breakdowns today - this will mark the fourth time. You continue to cry, and you bury your head in your pillow. And you sob. Softly and quietly. Your dad is packing to go back on another business trip, and you'll have to live with Jade again while he's gone, but you don't want Jade. You want him to give you fatherly advice - but he's much too overworked. Jade can't help you. Dave can't help you. Rose can't help you. There's so much going on, and you... you just... can't take it. You roll over and stare at your darkened ceiling.

Why can't you just ignore these feelings. Why can't you ju-

Your thoughts are disrupted by a knock on your door.

"Just a minute!" you call, and stumble up to dry your eyes, and make your way to the door, wondering who it could be. Probably just the mailman, or maybe another missionary who wanted you to join their church. You open up the door, look up, and -

"Hey dude. What's up?"

No.

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* i headcanon that john has insomnia

**, *** pun intended, hahahaha i'm so funny