Hidden Essence Book I - The Bloody Moon

Chapter IX

>- Black wolf -<

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The floor is cold. I've been lying here for hours, it feels as if my skin is stuck to it. They locked me up as you would a criminal or an animal. The tears don't flow anymore. I've dried out of crying. I also don't see the point of it anymore. I don't even know what to feel. Fear, anger, danger, darkness, loss, pain. I've been through all of them and now I'm left with my empty body, on the cold floor.

I don't exactly remember what happened after I discovered the true nature of Wolfey. The nickname sounds so odd now. It sounds as if I'm talking about someone who doesn't exist anymore. But that is not the worst thing. The worst thing is that it feels as if Wolfey has never existed. That he was just a dream, a creation by my fantasy to keep me company. It was fun, but brief. I regret it all. How could I be so stupid? I knew this was going to happen, I've told myself this so many times. Why did I not listen? Why did you not listen, Sage? You shouldn't have bound your heart to someone. That's what I did, I bound Wolfey to my heart and soul, only to have him ripped out of my chest, opening old wounds. You shouldn't have allowed yourself near such things, you knew that you would lose them at some point. You knew it, you idiot! I knew it. 

I remember I felt empty, as if someone sucked the life out of me. I remember he didn't say a word, he didn't move one hair. He just stared emotionless in my face with those yellow eyes. For a split second they were one. For a split second he was the protective, magestic, beautiful wolf that I cared so much about. He was Wolfey and Wolfey was him. But it only took a second for the image to dissapear. After that second he was just a stranger, chained in silver chains. He was just a random guy standing in front of me, with no meaning to me at all. 

I don't know what happened after that anymore. There's a gap in my memory I can't seem to be able to fill in. I remember George's hand on my shoulder. It was strong and comforting, but at the same time it was intimidating and scary. They weren't in wolf-form anymore, but their human forms somehow scared me even more. I felt so alone, allthough there were people all around me. I felt unsafe, as if someone was always there ready to attack me. They tried to talk to me and I've let them, but I didn't listen. They looked like they were lying. I still don't know what they want from me though. They took the guy back to his cell, I didn't know what they were going to do with me. I wanted to go home, still want to. They told me that I should keep this secret of them from anyone, that I now belong to their pack or whatever they said. I didn't want to belong to their community of psycho murderers. I cried a lot, tried to flee multiple times because of the fright. They eventually locked me up in here. "For your own safety." They said. I guess being locked away from them is safer than walking around where they are.

The floor is still cold and he is close. Too close. Only ten cells away from me. He hasn't said one word yet, nor has he moved. The silence is my only company right now along with the cold. Every now and then, Zach comes to check on me. He always asks me if I need anything, if I'm okay and if I'm ready to accept the truth yet. I always tell him to piss off or just plainly ignore him. 

Footsteps are nearing the cell I'm in. There he comes again. The sound of the steps stops at my cell and I am surprised by the new pair of shoes I get to see. Becka. "Come on, Raven. Get over it." She says. She has always been part of this. They have all been part of this since the day I arrived in this city. They've played their roles pretty well. How could someone ever tell that they're werewolves? They all look so innocent and human. The bastards. "Raven, are you even listening to what I'm saying?" No matter what she is or who she is, her annoying voice is still and will probably always be present. Her feet are ticking against the floor waiting for a response. "We are trying to help you and this is how you thank us? Jonas should've just killed you when he had the chance to." She snaps. You can't imagine how good it sounds what she's talking about. No one can imagine how much I crave for death right now. "Do it then." My voice cracks a little at the end. I hear myself speak as if I was another person in the cell. "What?" She sounds as if my words struck her deeply, I wish one of them would drop the act already. I pull myself up from where I'm lying and stand in front of her with only the metal bars of the cell in between us. Her eyebrows are pushed against one another and her eyes hold an emotion I can't really pinpoint. My jaw clenches as my hands become fists. "Kill me." I demand. She needs to do it. Death is the only way I can somehow escape this hell I'm living in. Death is the solution to every problem I've had to live through for all those years. And death is exactly what someone like her can give me. Her eyes become more readable and I decipher every emotion that goes through them. Fear, confusion, astonishment, guilt. In a more stabile state I would've cared about these emotions, but now the only thing I care about is dying. "Do it!" I press and the volume of my voice makes her jump back. I hear something jingle, but I'm not sure where the sound came from. She didn't seem to hear it though. "Are you out of your mind?!" She whispers and a part of me laughs at the comment. I might just be. I grab the metal bars and pull my body as close to them as possible. She starts backing away and running towards the stairs. "Zach, we have a little problem here!" I hear her yell as she exits the basement. Even when I want to die, life doesn't grant my wish. I yell out in frustration and kick my foot against the bars. The sound resonates in the basement. Screw this hell of a life!

I sit myself back down and cup my face into my hands and as I thought that the tears wouldn't come anymore, they did. Why? Why? Why? "Why?!" I scream. I sound hopeless. I am hopeless. I should've never showed them my diary. I should've never broke them up. I should've never left dad. I should've never came to this damn city. I should've never applied for that job. I should've never walked into that forest. I should've never been born! I sob. My life is a mess ever since I started making decisions. My cries fill the basement once again. My heart feels heavy in my chest. It literally feels like someone stabbed it with a knife and left it bleeding forever. My body starts shivering once again. How is it that when I'm sad I always get cold? I wrap my hands around my bare arms and try to sooth myself. There is no escaping this life. I'm stuck here. I once believed that life was a challenge and that only the strongest amongst us would survive the longest. Now I believe that I was born to suffer until my body gives up and collapses to the ground. There is no escape to this hell. I look up from where I'm sitting and look straight forward. I spot a small black object in front of my cell. I rub over my eyes to get the blur out of them and look a little closer. 

Keys! 

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Songs:

>- Bleeding love - Leona Lewis -<