Hidden Essence Book I - The Bloody Moon

Chapter XXX

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When I hear footsteps near the cell, my eyes snap open and I stand up from the ground, determined. I haven't slept at all, just closed my eyes and thought. About me, about him, about yesterday, about life... Everything is so complicated lately. Nothing seems to make any bit of sense and life just keeps getting less enjoyable. He's still sleeping. He immediately fell asleep after our little heated up encounter last night. I don't understand how he can just sleep with me in here. I would've thought he cared at least a grain, clearly not. But I cannot be bothered by that anymore. I have made my choice now and I will not under any circumstance change my mind.

I stand there, waiting, in front of that doomed metal door that I decided to lock behind me yesterday. Not my smartest move, I'll admit that, but nonetheless coming here did help me figure out my thoughts. Everything is clear now. Cristal clear. After what feels like an hour or two of waiting, standing, slowly losing patience but staying focused,  I hear the jingling of keys. It's Zach who now stands in front of me, the metal bars parting us, but not for long anymore. His eyes fall on something behind me and I know he is eyeing Chase. When they avert back to me, his face ask me if I'm good. "Better than ever." I coldly reply, he doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't question it either. The second the door opens, I march out of the cell and out of the basement. The last thing I hear before I leave that sinister pit is Zach locking the cell door. On my way I meet Michael and Tiff. They're worried about me, their eyes are seethrough. They simultaneously open their mouths to say something, but when I walk passed them, they silence. My goal is set, I have no time to lose. I honestly cannot believe how long it took me to figure that out. To get to this point of certainty. It was such an obvious path to choose. Yet I always walked right over it, ignoring it as if I wasn't ready to take it yet. As if staying how I am now was better. I'm glad that I can say that I am ready.

Ready to leave.

With both Michael and Tiff on my heels I trudge to my bedroom. I hear many questions, none of them I want to answer. I appreciate their concern, I really do, but they will soon enough know about my plans of departure. I'm not sure if they're going to like the idea, but it's not up to them to choose for me.

I enter my bedroom, but I stop in the doorway. Tiff bumps into me, but I totally ignore her clumsiness. I have nothing in here that I can take with me, I just realized. Every piece of clothing in here is from Tiff. That emphasizes the fact that don't belong here even more. Well, that does make it easier for me. I just have to go now. And leave the rest behind me. I turn around to do as planned, but Michael's strong arms keep me from leaving. "Can you talk? We stayed up all night wondering why you were down there and Alpha made the basement forbidden territory until you were back... Talk now." He sounds helpless. When I look into his eyes I see the redness in them. They did stay up all night. "You didn't have to stay up all night for me. I was fine. I am fine." I monotonously say. They both frown, but just like Zach they refrain from questioning my coldness. "What are you going to do now?" Tiff smartly asks, I turn my gaze to her and see fear caused by a correct prediction. She knows, I know she does. "You're not. I won't let you." She says before I can properly reply. "I can still do whatever I want, Tiff. You're in no way in charge of me." I remind her and she pouts in defeat. "Alpha is." Michael intervenes. "I exclude myself from this pack, he has no say of what I do." I retort and Michael crosses his arms over each other. "So you're really... planning on leaving?" He says and I look up to meet his sad puppy dog eyes. "I'm not planning anything. I'm leaving. Now." I clarify harshly and walk away fom the pair before I start to reconsider my decision. Under no circumstance will I change my mind. I go down the stairs through the kitchen to the living room and I end up at the front door. I once got in through this door. I was not conscience at that point. Kidnapped or attacked. Who remembers... From then on I always got out through the back and maybe that was my mistake. Leaving from the backyard always meant I would come back at some point. It meant: 'Hey, I'm going out, I'll be back in a minute.' That won't happen again. This time I'm going out and I'm never going back in.

When my hand touchesthe  cold doorknob, multiple footsteps follow behind me. "There she is. I told you Alpha, she's trying to leave..." Tiff's voice says. I sigh deeply before I turn around. "I'm not trying to leave, I'm leaving." I say in the same tone as before. I can't believe she actually called George. As if he could stop me. My eyes lock with George's, he has his everyday stern look on, using it to persuade me. Not working. He whispers something into Tiffany's ear, too quietly for my ears to pick up. She nods with an undecipherable look and leaves me with the Alpha. Oh boy. "So... You wish to leave us then?" He says neutrally. "Wishes don't come true. I'm leaving, it's a fact." I state firmly and he nods. He doesn't look angry nor emotional like the other two were. He looks like he might actually let me leave without any further argueing. "Are you sure? Where does the sudden need come from? Did something happen that changed your mind?" He asks and I dryly laugh when I replay Chase's attitude from the past weeks. "It was just an obvious decision to make, I should've made it earlier, but let's just say that my vision was... clowded." I explain and he nods again. His blue eyes are impressive. It's like they're staring right into my soul. Alpha authority, that's what they call it. Michael could never explain me why it has an effect on me, humans normally don't get influenced by Alpha authority. I don't need the answer, because it doesn't matter. It's very likely that this is the last time his eyes will ever affect me. Not only his... "I can't stop you. You know that?" It didn't sound like a question, more like a statement. A thought for him to process. "I didn't expect you to." I tell him and a small sneaky laugh escapes his mouth. Oh no, he's planning something. I want to warn him to not try and pull a trick on me, but my mouth instantly dries when he appears into the hallway. Him. "And this is why you woke me up..." He grunts rudely and my hands turn into tight fists. He turns around to leave, but Zach and Michael are right there to stop him. He groans, but he doesn't protest all too much. "She wants to leave." Tiffany says. 

"What?!" I hear an unexpected voice shout. My eyes search for her and find her in the doorway of the living room with Jonas right behind her. "Becka..." I breathe. It's been so long that I have seen her fully. She hasn't been out of the nursery ever since the Bloody Moon. Her cheeks are red and her eyes are watering. "You're leaving?" She squeaks and my heart breaks. I haven't planned this. I didn't expect Becka to be here. She looks so hurt. I probably added so much pain to what she already has to endure. "I-I-I need to..." I stutter as my hands start to become a bit clammy. Her eyebrows gather in the middle of her face as her cheeks slowly redden more and more. "No you don't! You have no reason to, we've helped you in every way possible, we gave you food, clothing, shelter, protection, friendship... Love..." The last word pulls my eyes to him and I meet his enchanting gaze. Broken, hurt, but still hopeful. My head automatically starts to shake lightly. "I can't." I say so quietly, that it almost sounds as if my voice is dying away. The glimpse of hope in his eyes dissapears and I watch how my cruelty bashes his soul to the concrete. He won't be happy with me, it'll only get worse with time. Leaving is the best option, for me, for him, for all of us. "How can you be so selfish, don't you see what you're doing to us? Why can't you understand?" Her words cut through me as the memories from my youth drain the life out of me painfully slow. I've messed up again. She's exactly quoting my dad, it's happening all over again. I need to get away, now. My eyes shift from person to person, only to realize that they're sharing the exact same desperate hurt gaze. What have I done! My breathing has reached its peak it feels like. Under no circumstances, leave before it's too late. 

My hand reaches for the door knob behind me, but it freezes just there. It's feels like every fiber in every muscle of my hand has cramped up. His eyes are the cause of it. Dull blue, not a bit of life. Dead blue. The emotions have been rinsed out of him. I can't feel him anymore. The link we had, the mating pull, it's gone. I can tell he is hurt, broken, but I can't feel it anymore.

"Leave and never come back." Is the last thing he says to me before I leave the house and never come back.

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