Hidden Essence Book I - The Bloody Moon

Chapter XXIX

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The trees are engulfing my view, I see nothing besides them. I was going to run off to the graveyard. To find comfort with my little guardian angel, but I decided against it and for some reason I ended up in the emptiness. Story of my life. I like it though. I like the silence, the green darkness, the tiny sunrays that get to peek through the leaves, the piny scent. My wet eyes close and my hands cup the breeze around me. Fresh and calming. I wish this was how I felt everyday. Another wish.

I hear the crisping of leaves nearing me and open my eyes. It's Tiff, she looks dissapointed. "It didn't work?" She asks even though she knows the answer. When I don't reply she sighs and stands next to me staring at the open forest. "Your mate's pretty angry..." She states and I frown. Angry? "He followed you up to the backyard, but he stopped and threw a tantrum... Alpha had to lock him away again." She explains and now I am the one to sigh. What a mess this has become. "Why don't you like him?" Her innocent voice asks. "I like him." I retort monotonously. I never said I didn't like him. It feels good to be around him, I like being with him, so I guess I like him. "Why can't you love him?" She rephrases her sentence properly this time. Tough question. "Long story." I clarify. "A story I've already been told..." She captures my attention with that one. I turn my head to her and frown for more information. "Becka told me once, about your past with your parents and all of that... And I completely understand." She sympathetically smiles, but I shrug it off a bit rudely. "You don't." I remark. How can she, she hasn't gone through everything I went through. "My mom... died of lung cancer." She tells me and I feel a bit guilty for my harsh attitude. "You weren't the one to give her cancer..." I say a bit softer and that makes the sad glimpse into her eyes dissapear. "True... But I still have to go through life without her." She points out and I shut my mouth for a little while. How come I didn't know about this? I've worked with Becka for two years. She never really talked about her parents, did she? I must've not really paid attention to it. "It's not just my parents, it's a mix of a lot of things..." I finally say as my eyes water again and her smile shows empathy as she puts her hand on my shoulder. "I know, you don't have to tell me. It's really tough for you and I don't blame you for having tried suicide." Wow, she does know everything. "But you have to know that you can't just push a part of the ache onto your mate..." She says. "That's not my intent. I'm trying to let him move on, to let him find someone who deserves him more than I do. Someone he can have a healthy relationship with." I explains and she shakes her head. "Sage, why can't you understand that you are that person. He marked you as his mate, your lives have been narrowed down to one. You guys are one." Her eyes are wide when she talks. "I never asked for a mate..." A sour tear falls onto the ground. Tiff seems to be dumbfounded by my words. "Yes you did! Your heart did from the second it knew that he existed..." She almost shouts. "I cannot love him!" I yell and the sound echoes through the woods, hugging the silence. "Do you want him to die then? Because that's what you're doing, you're killing him. Haven't you seen him? He's walking around like a zombie and so are you!" She points out and my heart cringes at her words. I don't want to do this to him, but what choice do I have? I have no love in me for him to get. "Why do you care so much about him anyway?" I throw in and a scowl forms itself on her face. "I don't give a crap about that Red Moon wolf, but listen to me when I tell you that his death equals your death. I don't want you to die." She warns and I roll my eyes. It's sweet that she wants to help, but she should just leave me to my sad destiny. "Fine. If you don't want to listen to me than figure it out yourself, but here's the last thing I'll tell you... If you seek happiness, his smile is the key to the door that'll lead you there." She states before she turns on her heal and leaves me with the trees. Alone and empty again.

An emotion I can't really describe precisely is burning in the pit of my stomach. It's a mix of rage, sadness and determination. It's making me sick to be honest. Why can't I be left alone... The sound of howling wolves resounds through the forest and even though it sounds so real and so close, something in me knows it's not. It is pretty loud and obnoxious, but not intimidating. Not anymore. The only thing that preoccupies me right now is him. I need to find him. Before it's too late. Before he leaves me.