Hidden Essence Book I - The Bloody Moon

Chapter XXVIII

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He's been waiting for me to answer to one of his questions for about fifteen minutes now. Fifteen minutes in his office and I haven't said a word. I don't want to talk about it, not with him, not with anyone. "So you're really not going to tell me anything? Not even a hint?" He sighs and I look straight ahead of me, like I've been doing all along. "You do know I'm just trying to help you." He says and I have to hold myself back from nodding. Of course I know that. George is one of the kindest gentlemen I have ever met in my life. He can sound very severe at times, but it is only a necessary appearance he has. I feel bad for him and for the rest of this pack, having to endure me and my mate's foolishness. What an awful word, mate. I wish I could definitely erase it from this world, so I would never have to hear to it again. After I hear him sigh for what must be the thousandth time, I finally give in. "I'm sorry..." Is the first thing I say and the words make his bowed down head shoot up. "I'm sorry for being..." That's a tough one. What am I exactly? What did I do that I felt so bad for I needed to apologize? "For being myself." I finish the sentence. Yup, that is exactly it. I am myself and I feel sorry for other people that have to share their lives with me. Depressing, I know. "You cannot be sorry about that. I do not allow you to be..." The strength in his voice startles me a little, but at the same time his words are absolutely adorable. "I am a burden to this pack, Alpha. I've gotten half of it killed. My presence puts it in a constant danger. And to top it off I brought another extra weight with me..." I complain. I don't even know what I'm still doing here... I should've left them to their own lives a long time ago, maybe the damage would've been smaller and so would've been the loss. "Do I have to remind you that the pack you are a so called a burden of was the one to choose to offer you protection? Also the 'extra weight' you're talking about is still your mate and therefor unseperable from you. If we protect you we have to protect him too." He explains and I huff. Unseperable. It didn't look like we were so unseperable last night and this morning. I avert my eyes to the window. The sun is shining brightly through the glass, but even that cannot cheer me up. "You may not believe it, but he is your lifeline. You will not be able to live without him, even breathing will become difficult after a while." He warns and I roll my eyes. "Lies." I scoff and he chuckles as he sits down behind his neat desk. "Do you not feel it then?" He unspecifically asks and with that catches my attention. "Doesn't panic invade you and your sanity when you feel like he's in danger? Don't you feel magically complete when you know he's happy? The electricity does not burst through you when he lays his eyes on you, even if it's just a glance... Don't you feel empty and nearly crave for death when he is not around..." He sums up and with every word that comes out of his mouth a goosebump forms itself on my arms. "How do you know..." I whisper. He quoted the truth, not one detail was wrong. A sneaky smirk plays on his lips as he looks at me. "Because that's how mates work, that's what mates are. And I know you know, you will not be able to survive a week without him." He says and I cringe inside. "I did it in the past..." I retort as I swallow the fear. "And you were so happy during those few months, weren't you..." He sarcastically remarks and I look away from him. Why is he right? I don't want him to be. This can't be true. I'll be screwed if it is. "I don't want to spoil the broth for you, not at all. All I'm trying to say is that you can't underestimate the power of mating. He may be a jerk for now, but I am convinced that you mean more to him than you think you do... And it's the same way around." He says and there comes the point where it all becomes a bit too much and I break. "You're not the one who has to deal with him, so what makes you think you can just predict whatever the hell is happening into his sick mind?! And I couldn't care less about this mating pull, because I'd rather die than having to spend another minute with that idiot!" I shout and I storm out off the room, pissed off and sad.

I just raised my voice to the Alpha. Well, you know what, I don't give a damn about it. What in the world makes him think it is so easy to have a soulmate, so to speak, that is an abominable monster. Chase doesn't care about me one bit and he wants to convince me that he loves me? I'm not falling for that one. I fell for a lot, but I won't fall for that one. What Chase needs is a lover, that's true and undeniable, but I'm not that lover. He thought I was and he mated with me, but that was a mistake. What frustrates me even more, is that this mating magic will be the death of me and even though dying is ranked pretty high on my bucketlist, I won't have it that way. I promised myself one thing after Adelaide's death and that was to fight for my life and eventually die an honorable way. I will keep my promise this time.