In Between Takes

take 16

Sana nilamon na lang sya ng lupa.

Sana nilamon na lang sya ng lupa pagkabitaw nya sa kamay ni Maine, because he wouldn't want to include her in his dilemma. 

Hindi naman kasi nya sinasadya. Okay, a part of him wanted her to take it seriously. Iyon bang gusto nyang... mambakod, for real.

Pero anong karapatan nya, 'di ba? He was her reel-time boyfriend. She was looking for someone else. Something more than pick-up lines and knock knock jokes. Someone she could see or talk to without prying eyes following them everywhere. Something real. Someone real.

Someone, but not him.

That was the sad truth, of course. He can never be what she needed. Hindi naman sa hindi nya talaga sinasadyang sabihin 'yon, but when it comes to her, he can't keep his mouth shut. Kulang na nga lang yata i-block nya lahat ng contacts ni Maine para sya na lang ang reply-an. O maputol ang internet connection ng iba para DMs nya lang ang mag-send.

Anything that can bring her closer to him.

They were still on that stage, though. That getting-to-know-each-other stage. Pero hanggang ngayon, pakiramdam nya, he wasn't unlike any other dedicated fan of hers. Maine once mentioned in an interview that she was worried, ngayong pinu-push ng karamihan si Alden na gawing totohanan ang lahat.

He cared about his fans, and the people around them, but he was especially worried about her.

Ano na lang ang iisipin nya? He can't possibly make a move around her without the possibility na... everything can't be real. What would she think of him? That he's doing this for the cameras? For the fans? For more endorsements to come? For the popularity of the show? Para hindi mabawasan ang ratings? Para lalo silang pag-usapan?

There are more than visible lines he had to cross, and right now, he had no idea how to reach her.

Ni hindi na nga nya alam kung anong meron sa kanya. He was still concerned about Julie, alright, and that will never fade. Julie will always be special.

But what about Maine? Anong meron sa kanya?

He wasn't dense, of course. May mga ilang gabi rin na kulang sya sa tulog kahit medyo maaga sya nakauwi, but that was because of thinking. Of things he can't name, or questions he can't answer. Okay, Maine was special. She is special. 

Pero ano nga ba si Maine sa buhay nya?

Sige. Answer the obvious. Love team. Partner. BFF daw, but that was only a label for the fans to actually understand kung anong stage sila. BFF, pero nag-uusap ng serious stuff minsan na masyadong serious even best friends don't talk about it. BFF, pero parang mutual understanding na walang label kasi mutual nga tapos understanding din pero kapag pinagsama it can't sound... unromantic simply because they are Maine and Alden. 

Kaya iyon. BFF na lang, para walang magulo. 

Pero magulo talaga lahat. Siguro hindi na lang nila pinag-uusapan kung anong meron sa kanila kasi kapag pinag-usapan, lalong gugulo. Baka 'yung natural magic na tumatagos daw sa TV screen mawala. Mapalitan ng awkwardness. Iyong naiisip nyang solusyon sa problema (that no one dared to talk about) can be both their downfalls. 

Huwag na lang. May time pa naman.

And so the agony was prolonged.

Maine tried to snatch her hand back, and he did let her go. He was entirely focused on letting the whole off-the-market spiel go and hoped that Maine would do the same, interpreting it again as one of his Tatay gestures.

But when she fluttered her long eyelashes and brown orbs started piercing into his, he found himself again at loss of words. 

Too movie-like. Too surreal.

"RJ," he cringed at her tone, and at the fact she used his nickname. Palagi naman kasi syang tinatawag na Alden ng dalaga, and so he wasn't used to it.

But she said his name in a soft, tender voice he almost begged her to say it again that way.

"Ano ba tayo?"

Nothing can be heard but the silent whisper of the cold breeze and his heart, knocking rapidly against his ribs, producing ragged heartbeats, forcing hormones - and all his senses were heightened.

Siya lang.

Siya lang ang nakakagawa nito.

Three. Four. Five seconds had passed.

Still no answer from Alden. 

Ano bang isasagot nya? Nablangko ang utak nya. Friends? Oh come on. Friends do not tell friends they're off the market. Friends do not frequently remind friends to take care of themselves. Friends... do not ask friends what they really are.

So he went with the safest answer he could muster for tonight.

"BFF!" He smiled at her, showing his charming curve located at his cheek. "Forever nga tayo, 'di ba?"

He saw her shoulders had sagged, not knowing if her hopes had fallen the same way, or fatigue was just taking effect. They had a long day, after all. 

The former had the higher percentage, though.

But she still wore a smile, and replied, "Right." Pumasok na ang dalaga sa kotse, and bid him goodbye. She still hadn't forgotten to remind him to take care of himself, like the nice person she was would.

"Forever nga tayo," she reiterated, this time with a bigger smile, and he could only nod. He watched her car disappear in sight and wished that hours would run faster so he could see her face again. Maine would go to KalyeSerye, all sunshine and stars combined, because that's just who she is. Wala kang mahahalatang pagod. Siguro minsanan, but she tries her best - always - to tell people she's okay.

But despite the smile, the confirmation, and the usual routine she had always done - Richard Faulkerson Jr. knew it was the first straw in losing Nicomaine Dei Mendoza.