In Between Takes

take 47

Parang balik sila sa dati.

They went back to their casual talks. Alden staying over at her house and her, spending hours and eating meals with his family. Parang walang nangyari. Buhay nga naman ng tao, oh. Human lives all revolve around the choices they make - and in their case, they chose to move on. She makes sure he knows na hindi naman katulad ng dati ang tiwala nya, like she forbids him to kiss her whenever he wanted. Naging hobby nya na kasi 'yon, eh. Pwera sa lips, Alden still occasionally steals kisses from her. 

It's time to set limits. Umaabuso itong isa, eh.

Pero hindi naman nya pinagdamot ang presensya nya. She always makes him feel na nandoon lang sya sa tabi nito. 

Now, they were seated at his balcony. Again. Lola Linda invited her for dinner, and Maine can't say no.

"Alden," she said out of nowhere. "May tatanong ako."

"Shoot."

"Naisip mo na ba?" She stared at the stars, like she would actually reach them if she stared longer. "Paano kung hindi pala tayo ang para sa isa't-isa?"

Walang sagot ang dumating. Napatingin naman sya dito, at nakita nyang nakatitig lang ito sa kanya. Mabagal ang pagkurap. "Maine," bulong nito. "Bakit mo natanong?"

Maybe he took it the wrong way. "Uy, hindi naman!" She sounded defensive. "Hypothetical lang, syempre. I mean, what if they're all wrong about us? What if we're wrong about ourselves? Naiisip ko lang naman 'yung mga 'yon in my spare time -"

"Maine," he interrupted her, although not bitterly. "Are you thinking of leaving me?"

"What? No!"

"Maybe you don't know it yet," he sighed, and tried to calm himself by breathing evenly. "But you are."

"Wait lang, ha," her eyebrows furrowed. "Sabi ko naman hypothetical lang -"

"Maine," he murmured. "The idea of us started hypothetically."

Silence.

"We changed," bulong ng binata. "Years ago, masasaya pa 'yung hypothetical questions natin."

And that's just it.

She realized he was speaking the truth. "Siguro nga," she confirmed. "Maybe I'm thinking of leaving you."

She probably didn't know how much he was hurting. Alden Richards could really strangle the author of this story, just in case Maine leaves him, and will treat her as a culprit. He could only ask tons of questions but what prevails would be why?

Why are you only writing her side?

He wanted to defend himself. Gusto nyang ipagsigawan sa mundo na mahal na mahal na mahal nya ang dalagang kausap nya ngayon. He wanted to tell the world how much she means to him and how much effort would he give just to see her priceless smiles. Actually, he wanted to give up acting. He had grown to love the industry; he loved seeing other people smile. Iyon talaga ang kasiyahan na bumabalik sa kanya na hindi matutumbasan ng kahit anong kontrata.

Ang kaso lang, hindi naman nya pwedeng takasan 'yong mga 'yon. He can't just disappear, tweet something close to a farewell, and live happily ever after with her. He had this huge social responsibility, like the whole world was vested on his shoulders.

And although he wanted to, he can't be selfish now. Maine already left the four corners of the television. If he leaves now, both of them would be receiving hate. They would be labeled selfish. Narcissistic. Sarili lang ang iniisip. Porke mayaman na, iiwan na ang audience na nagpayaman sa kanila.

Sobrang hirap ipaliwanag ng sitwasyon nila. Maybe it seemed simple to other people; why make things complicated? Leave your job. Find another stable one. Do the same thing she did.

Iyon na nga, eh. Ang hirap, hirap ipaliwanag sa publiko kung anong meron sa kanila. He can't just give a resignation letter. He must have a valid excuse for leaving the show.

And love isn't a valid one, at least to critics.

Seryoso sya doon. Gusto nyang ipaliwanag ang sarili nya.

Gusto ko na pong magmahal.

Pero sino ba namang professional ang magpapauto sa ganoong kababaw na rason, 'di ba? The executives and the advertisers only understand financial statements, not shallow reasons.

Love does not exist in their world. Only numbers, and money rates. Walang pakialam ang mga ito, kahit maghiwalay sila. They would only give a damn once those linear lines start dropping. Iyon lang.

But when he saw her crying that night, telling him to give her at least a reason to hold on... doon na sya nagdesisyon. 

He would leave the industry or whatever he had now for her.

He wasn't naive, actually. He knew Janeeva had her eyes on him, dahil kinausap na sya nito minsan and told him she was hurting. 

Paano naman sya, 'di ba? Kahit hindi pa nya inaamin noong mga panahong 'yon, what they had was mutual. He was already thinking of dying bit by bit inside whenever he doesn't see her. His mom would be proud with his progress, though.

Finally, he had loved someone again that great.

Kadalasan nga ay hindi na nya pinapansin ang mga text nito at hindi na sinasagot ang tawag, because God only knows how much he would ditch all those activities he had for the day just to see her. Malilintikan lang sya kapag ganoon.

He would give up acting, his first love and passion (he eventually found out that it is), just for her, his true love.

If only she would ask.

"Maine," he scooped closer, reached out, his hand gently sweeping a stray strand away from her face. "Gusto mo na bang tumigil ako sa pag-aartista?"

Her reaction was immediate. Eyes bulging, she answered, "Syempre hindi! Ano ka ba?! Sasapakin talaga kita kapag ginawa mo 'yun para sa akin!"

The warm breeze tickled his face, and he smiled warmly at her. "But I can't spend more time with you. I've invested enough. Siguro kaya na kitang buhayin na hindi nagagalit ang mga magulang mo, 'di ba?"

That earned him a glare from her. "Isa talaga, Alden, ha. For the nth time, you are not giving your acting career up just because of me."

"But what if I wanted to?" He pushed further. "What if gusto ko na talagang tumigil at mag-try ng ibang field, like... business?"

"I'm not having this conversation with you," her tone was firm. "You are not going to quit acting. Kahit sabihin mong napapagod ka na, kilala kita, eh. Factor pa rin ako."

Just as I thought.

"Okay," he surrendered. "But promise me you won't leave."

"Oo na, oo na," she said, waving her right hand. "Hindi na."

"You'll stay?"

She nodded. "I would. I told you I'd always wait, 'di ba? 'Wag ka na mag-isip."

"Even if you don't love me the same way?"

"Let's not think about that," she smiled at him. "Let's stop asking negative hypothetical questions."

If only you would ask, Maine.

He'd be ready to give everything up.