In Between Takes

take 38

Maine had difficulties explaining to everyone who knew her close why she isn't falling in love with Alden Richards. Everyone meant... he was the damn perfect guy every girl's been dreaming of. Mahilig sa aso, malambing sa mga bata, makulit pero sweet, ma-effort, madasalin, walang bisyo - ano pa bang hinihingi nya?!

"Maine, you are one crazy woman," she told herself as she stepped on the shower. Janeeva would be coming over and she had thought of taking a bath, at least, to make herself decent. Minsan kasi, Janeeva showed up with her boyfriend without telling her so she faced them unexpectedly in her night wear, with loose hair strands meeting all directions. Sobrang nahiya sya nu'n, and after scolding Janeeva, she made it a point always to make herself presentable.

Maybe because it takes more than a thousand in between takes to prove her feelings for him and vice versa. Maybe because this is not just the Tamang Panahon both of them were waiting for. 

Maybe he wasn't the answer to all of her unasked questions.

"I don't know about you, Meng," Janeeva finally arrived, having a bowl of home-baked cookies. 

"But I'm feeling twenty-two? J, you're twenty-six."

Her bestfriend grunted. "Kidding aside," she said. "Why did you call me?"

"To ask one question."

"Bawal i-text?"

Maine rolled her eyes. "Biatch, if it was that easy, I could have send you one instead."

"Okay, okay," Janeeva settled herself on the floor, while Maine was seated on the couch. "What was it?"

"Bakit hindi ako in-love?" Bumuntong hininga sya. "Why am I not falling for him?"

"For who? For Alden Richards?" She took a bite. "Malay ko. Puso ko ba?"

"Thanks, ha," she said sarcastically. "You may leave."

"Joke lang, ito naman." The woman stood up and went to open her fridge, looking for a drink. "Why do you have Chuckie on your fridge? What are you, nine?"

"Bawal na ba uminom ang twenty-five-year-old ng Chuckie?" Kumuha naman si Janeeva ng isa, at bumalik sa pwesto. "Akala ko ba pambata 'yan?"

"Who said?" Her bestfriend looked around. "I see no one."

"Hay nako." Tinabihan nya ito. "After being with him for four years, I found out that the only thing we have in common is our sense of humor."

"May sense of humor ka ba?"

"Thank you, ha. Pero seryoso. Okay, we both like dogs, but God, Janeeva. Alden worships them. And he doesn't even drink!"

"For real? Hindi sya umiinom ng alak?" Umiling si Maine. "That man is golden! Even I have to control my man's drinking habits!"

"See? Alam ko namang introvert ako kadalasan and I'm not into parties but we are just... you know, on separate tracks?"

"Wait, Maine. Why are you telling me all his traits which you don't share?" Hinarap sya ni Janeeva. "Hindi kaya gumagawa ka lang ng excuse to explain why you're not in love with Alden?"

"Seriously, Janeeva," she said in a low, soft voice. "I don't know how to explain myself anymore. Ngayon ko lang sasabihin 'to at sa 'yo ko lang sasabihin 'to because... no one would understand. Kahit ako hindi ko maintindihan. He's important to me. I don't know if it's because of the five years we shared together at iyong limang taon na 'yon, sya 'yung palagi kong kasama because naturally, he's my partner."

Maine continued. "And I like him, yes. I really do. Gusto ko palagi nya akong ina-update kung matutulog na ba sya o gising na sya. Gusto ko palagi kong alam what makes him irritated or what makes him happy. I wanted to be a part of his life."

"Are... are you sure that's not love yet, Maine?" Janeeva raised an eyebrow. "Because that pretty sounds like love to me."

"That's the thing, J," she answered. "It looks - and sounds - like love but for some reasons, I knew it isn't. If it's love, why am I not telling him? Ako na yata 'yung pinaka-prangkang tao na kilala mo and I always tell people things I feel or think about them."

"Maybe you're scared?"

"Of what?"

"Of consequences? I don't know."

"Consequences are so old school," she replied. "I've been waiting for that spark inside me, J. That spark that would push me to tell him I love him. Iyong bang hindi ako mapapakali because I was so in love with that person but what happens? I always end up contented seeing him at the end of the day. Minsan, isang beses lang sa isang linggo kami magkita. And I don't do anything about it. Alam mo 'yun? Walang push! Nothing's forcing me to cross borders for him. Walang spark. Walang intensity. Sobrang kulang nu'ng... feelings."

She felt nice and agitated after letting it all out. "What I feel sounded too hushed for me, J. Parang kuntento na lang ako sa kung anong meron kami ngayon that's why I don't bother leveling it up."

Janeeva fell quiet for a while then said, "There are all kinds of love in this world said by F. Scott Fitzgerald, Maine."

She waited for her bestfriend's next sentence. "And maybe what you had for him is the quietest, but it is still love nonetheless."