Bent, Not Broken: My Scoliosis Story (among other things)

"Before" and "After"

    Despite my efforts, it has become difficult not to think of my life as "Before" and "After." I suppose there are many places I could begin my "After," and perhaps I'm not there yet. I could start "After" with the move here, picking up my life to begin again. (That's what my mother told me, it felt a lot more like being torn from my familiar existence.) I could begin "After" with the moment I realized how emotionally abusive my father had become, with the moment I swore to shut him out for good. I could decide "After" came during the weeks I stood anxious in hospital gowns, the countless nights of worry. After all, all of these days were significant. But for my sake and for yours, it is best that we both agree on an "After." To me, "After" can be traced to a single day in the cold of winter, in the dead of night. I hid in my closet sobbing that night, and not a soul was aware of my pain or my realization. I was bent, twisted, and hurt, inside and out.
    But that isn't who I am, now is it? It's not who you are, either. You aren't your worst memory. Because this is my story, and my story isn't like that. My story comes "After." I can't promise you that you'll like it. I can't even promise you'll make it to the end. But I promise it's true, and I promise it's mine. Maybe you won't understand it, and that's ok too. But I am sure that somewhere is a person who knows what it feels like to love and lose, to fall and rise again, to hear the very thing you hoped to avoid. This is for you. Maybe you won't understand this, and that's ok. I'm not sure I do either.

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Hey guys! So this is my story. I'm a teenaged girl in the middle of nowhere with a couple of weird twists- literally. I was recently diagnosed with Idiopathic Adolescent Scoliosis (which is an abnormal curvature of the spine) and was diagnosed with Femoral Anteversion years ago (twisted femurs, or thigh bones.) I've made it through a lot by writing, and the more I reach out, the more I realize how many people have struggled with self confidence due to scoliosis or other conditions, and how many people are impacted by emotional abuse or mental illness, so I decided to share this one with you guys. If any of you need someone to talk to, I'm here to listen. I hope that there will be some people who can look at this and know they're not alone, because I know it can really feel that way. Most of my chapters will be longer, I just wanted to give you a feel for what I was doing.
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