Bent, Not Broken: My Scoliosis Story (among other things)

The Hustle

    Everything has just happened so fast. My appointment was a week ago. I'm seeing the orthotist tomorrow. And I suppose everyone's been good about it. Everyone, that is, except me. There's been a hustle in the school. A hustle to help, I guess. As for me, I haven't cried since the night of the appointment. But this Tuesday (yesterday), our school counselor pulled me out of class. She's the only one in the building who knows about my dad. I came to her last year, suicidal and severely depressed. More like she came to me. My mom stumbled on my diary, which at that point was more of a suicide note. I guess she didn't know what to do. So she called school. She emailed the counselor again about my brace, and that the school should get a plan together, to help, I guess. I don't know. They're putting together a state-mandated 504 plan. It's basically a way of making sure all my teachers know what's going on. It's a modification system, basically, to try and make it easier for me in the brace. All very political, full of school policies and regulations. But I think Ms. W saw how I tried to shut myself off. So she's trying to make it less political. I appreciate it, but I'm almost afraid she'll get me to melt down like I did in my room. She's helping me to show my grade (200 people) my brace, talk about scoliosis, and answer questions. The support has been almost overwhelming, and although I'm nervous to tell everyone, there's no way I can deal with hiding it. It's just too much. She pulled me out again today to meet my school nurse and talk about the health side of things. I'm supposed to meet with Ms. W every week for a while. We'll see how that goes. If any of you guys are going through the same thing I am, know this. It's hard, but you have to let it out a little. Tell the school, they can help. Tell your friends. You can't do it by yourself. And I'm gonna be honest, I hate the way adults look at me, like I might break. I hate needing help. Sometimes, I want to push them all away. I don't want to rely on people. I don't even really say if my back hurts anymore. It's just so many looks, so much pity. Or maybe it's sympathy. But I'm gonna be honest: I need the help. And I'm sure as hell not going to get it from my dad, guys. Don't carry it by yourself. I'll update you tomorrow about the molding. As always, feel free to PM me.

Until tomorrow, guys. Thank you. For the support. The Hustle. Everything. I love you guys, and this truly is my escape.
-E