Bent, Not Broken: My Scoliosis Story (among other things)

The Choice...

    Well, I've been kind of freaking out over the past few weeks. Even though I'm grateful we caught my curve early enough that I won't need surgery, watching my body change so quickly has been hard. My dad has been trying to pressure me into bracing, and my mom wanted me to set my next appointment to a sooner date so they would brace me sooner... But she insisted it was and always would be my choice, so long as I didn't get past the point where bracing is necessary. Well, most girls in my grade are overthinking what shirt to wear or how to talk to that guy- and I'm making medical decisions.
    The harassment just for the way I walk (femoral anteversions) and stand has not been great as is, and I'm worried that bracing would only add to that. On the contrary, I'm already ditching tight shirts and clothing because I hate the way my waistline looks, and I'm afraid people will label me as a freak. I'm debating whether or not I should even swim this year. I can't help it. I feel like I should be strong enough not to let this get to me, other people have it worse- but it really really gets me late at night, when it's quiet. Well, I don't have to worry about the decision anymore-

It's been made for me.

    Without talking to me, my mom moved my appointment from June (so I wouldn't have to wear the brace this school year) to March. I'd be lying if I said I were mad, because I'm not- I'm everything else. Hurt, confused, betrayed, yes. Angry? No. It's not her fault, I'm sure my dad was screaming at her, and when he does that, there's only so many things you can do... Fight back isn't one of them. I'm just scared. Scared of myself, my family, my friends. I'm scared it's only going to get worse.
    That can't be true, can it? It has to get better, eventually. But it's hard to see that right now. I just want to say that reading all of your stories and talking with you guys has been amazing. Seeing so many people who have gone through what I'm facing- it's unimaginable. I need to pick myself up, huh? I think I'll try and write a happy chapter next- after all, the decision has been made... I may as well roll with it.